My mum is at the end of life

[nicky99]

Hi everyone, my name is Nicky. I am a 20 year old, only child, just trying to study/work and enjoy life. However, my life has been anything but enjoyable within the last 10 months. 

My father passed away from metastic urothelial carcinoma on the 6/12/17. I could not begin to accept the loss of my father let alone the whole grieving process. There was just so much to do. Mum and I were just so overwhelmed. But over the course of 8 months we managed to get ourselves back on track until a month ago. 

My mother was admitted to hospital in July due to unbearable stomach pains. Turns out she had a bowel obstruction. This was all linked to her metastic ovarian cancer which has been recurrent since 2016. Long story short, there was no hope for my beautiful mother and she was soon pallitiave care and now in her end of life journey. 

My heart has been absolutely broken, shattered, crushed you name it. I can’t find it within myself to feel the emotions brewing from deep within myself. I have such a supportive extended family of aunties, uncles and cousins who go above and Beyond for my mother and I. But everything is just too much. How do you accept you’re going to lose both parents before the age of 21 and in such a short period of time?  Life doesn’t prepare you for this and it certainly has got me in a hole. 

I wanted to share my story to see if anyone has any advice or has been there? I feel like this is probably the lowest point in my whole life. I love my mum so much and I am just so helpless. 

[RJG]

Hi Nicky99,

Wow, life has really thrown you a knuckleball. I just can’t begin to imagine how I would have dealt with your situation, particularly at your young age. 

Make sure that you surround yourself with people you love and trust. You have a lot of “growing up” to do instead of just getting out and being care free. Having family who will look out for you, rather than their own best interests, will give you better opportunity to deal with thing when you are ready. The trick is working out who really is on your side. 

But do find time for yourself. You are still so young and have so much ahead of you. Having “me time” will let you get your head and heart straight so that you can set your path forward and do what is right for you. 

In in the mean time, show your Mum how special she is to you and how strong you are that she should not be concerned when she has had enough and decides to let go. 

My my heart goes out to you.

Rick

[nicky99]

Hi Rick, 

Thank you for this message. It’s nice to know people out there understand what I’m going through is just not fair. I love my mum and it is the worst thought knowing she doesn’t have long left in this world with me. Thank you for your advice. I will definitely take it on board. 

Lots of love, 

Nicky 

[Chelle72]

Hi Nicky,

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 RCC in Feb and it has spread to her lungs, liver, bone and brain. Like you I am an only child and really close to my mum so I am beyond devastated. Unlike you I am a lot older (46) and I just can’t begin to imagine how painful this must be for you, soon to be losing both parents. You said you have a lot of loving and supportive extended family around you - let them help you. Trust your instincts on who has your best interests at heart. I also found a great psychologist who has been a wonderful help in just letting me unload. (It may take some time to find someone you connect with but persevere, your GP could possibly help you with recommendations).  On a personal note, some days I don’t know what to feel, I can just feel empty some days and others the grief is overwhelming. I can actually get physical symptoms when the grief becomes too much, that’s when I need to let it out and bawl my eyes out, it’s just that sometimes the crying won’t come, it’s like my body has shut down to protect me from all this emotion. It’s the waiting that I find is the worst, watching her get worse by the day, watching such a strong, independent woman struggle to walk and talk and all the other humiliating things that happen. It’s like living in a limbo land, waiting. I wish I had words of comfort for you but I don’t. What you have been through and what you are going through sucks big time, there is no other way to describe it. I really hope that you get the help and the support you need, sending a lot of love your way honey.

From another broken hearted child.

[Jodiemax1]

I am in exactly the same position as you. I could have written this post. Take care of you too. 

[nicky99]

All my love to you. Life is so unfair.