Beware when reconnecting. Some people don’t know how to respond and it can be too much for them.  So if you get a bad reaction, don’t blame them. Give them a little more time and try again giving specifics about what you want need. That will allow them to respond more objectively and get used to the situation. In time they will let their guard down and closer relationships will develop.  Hugs to all! Rick ... View more

The simple answer is that getting through anxiety is up to you. The big trick to it is having a loved one help to guide you through the perils that lie ahead.  This is rather easy for me to say because I was the one helping rather than the one suffering.  It has been said many times by many people, but you need to let go of the things that you can’t control. And that’s not so say “what will be will be”, but to choose your battles.  And if your GP recommends medication , don’t fight it. Medication is a tool that will help you to work out which battles are worth fighting. When you get stronger, your GP should start weaning you off them to a point where everything runs at an even keel.  The journey through anxiety can be harder than the fight through cancer - at least with cancer there is a physical presence to deal with and there are tests that will confirm how well you are doing.  Good luck, best wishes and a big hug, Rick ... View more

Hey @PhilPepper , You live in NSW now. Qld is still off limits to us. I am still denied visitation rights to my grandkids. Thank goodness for Skype. To @cemo-queen, Following my treatment, I started to reach out to long lost friends. Some welcomed me, while others didn’t respond at all to my multiple attempts. I tried reaching out both for my own desire to be remembered, but also to warn them about the tragedy that can come from ignoring the subtle messages that your body sends  through to your consciousness. Messages that need to be listened to and acted on before it is all too late.  I shared my story with anyone who would listen. This did trigger some to get symptoms checked out. But in the end “you can lead a horse to water, but can’t make it drink“. This hasn’t really addressed the points from your original post, but be assured that people here will listen and be your companion through this unpleasant journey called canc er. Big hugs to you, Rick ... View more

Hi @AuntyCoral , I had cisplatin as part of my treatment protocol for gastro-oesophageal cancer. It has left me with severe tinnitus. But it was one of three primary cytotoxins used in my treatment. I still suffer unexpected fatigue and the sweats from time to time. But it is hard to know what particular chemical has resulted in which symptoms, or whether it is just old age catching up with me   I just get on with things and don’t lay the blame game on the treatment that saved my life. Get to know yourself and your new limitations and just deal with it the best that you can. I’m sorry that I am not more sympathetic, but how is knowing going to change anything? Live life to the fullest while you can.  Hugs to you and everyone reading this.  Rick ... View more

Hi @ellafrances ,   It sounds like your Dad is overwhelmed by all of the sudden bad news and is giving up before entering into battle. While he is struggling to deal with the mental challenge, he will not be able to take on the physical challenges. You must find a way to get him to open up and share his emotions so that he can make rational decisions and move forward, one way or the other...   My brother died from oesophageal cancer at 63. But he had no fight in him. He had lost his wife to emphysema a few years previous and he was always struggling financially. He had a big loving family, but no really close friends of his own. I believe that he considered that the battle with cancer was simply not worth the effort.    At 72, all going well with treatment (and this may be overly optimistic, but not impossible) your Dad could have another 25 years left in him. Your challenge is to find the trigger/s to make him debate (with himself) whether or not the battle with cancer is worth the pain and effort. He may need to talk with others who have managed to win their battle to appreciate what could be and at what cost. And then he needs to let those around him know what he has decided. This internal debate needs to happen quickly because doing nothing will force his hand.   If he decides to take the challenge, then family need to be there to assist him with his battle. And he needs to let you know how hard you can push him - and that may change day to day. But all the time, there is a vision of that bright light at the end of the tunnel.   But if, after considering all that lies ahead,  he wants to give in, then that it is his choice. Forcing him to do things that he considers to be prolonging his suffering will just cause tension and conflict. All you can do in that situation is to help him get to the end in as little discomfort as possible, reminding him (without nagging) of much he is loved and how much he will be missed.    Best wishes to your Dad, you and your family.   Big hugs to all, Rick ... View more

Hi @Charl ,   Sorry to hear that the evil "C" has entered your universe via your father.   One of my brothers died about 5 years ago from oesophageal cancer. He had been a very heavy drinker for many years until he became a truck driver and had to pretty much give up the booze to keep his job. He had lost his wife to emphysema a few years before his diagnosis and had no real fight in him. This was very sad to see. While the family all encouraged him with treatment, it was his journey and his decisions to make.   So, as said by @iloveyoudearly7, be there for your father. Ask questions for understanding of what he feels, wants and needs, and try to encourage him. But most of all, listen to him and definitely don't nag - it is all up to him.   Give your father a big hug next time you see him - you can never hug too much.   Best wishes and hugs to you and your father, Rick ... View more

Hi again, Regarding social activities... Can you get involved in a performance (school or adult) where you can assist and/or participate during the day and then take things home to work on at night (eg, stage props, making outfits)? Another idea is to write a book - autobiography, local history or fiction. Or a mix. Also, you can keep your mind busy by helping out here - become a regular responder to other peoples' posts. Even if you don't have specific knowledge and/or experience, you can help others simply by responding an letting them know that they are not completely alone. More big hugs, Rick ... View more

I used to keep saying to my Dad that he should move closer. But then I realised that his situation was different. He enjoyed running his hobby farm (it was actually about 1,300 Ha, but most of it was virgin bush) and he had good neighbours (that changed after Dad died). And there was always the risk that he would move closer and then we would have to move to follow our careers leaving him stranded once again. So, for my Dad, it was best for him to stay where he was.   But, and I am trying to be realistic rather than sexist, it is likely to be a lot harder for a woman to deal with living alone in a rural setting - I know that my wife could not cope if I had succumbed to my dose of cancer. Perhaps thinking of moving is not a bad idea albeit the timing is not the best to get buyers for property in a rural setting during a period of drought.   The main thing is for you to decide what is best for you! And consider all the possible pros and cons of each option before you set off on your path to greater happiness. You just need to take the first step towards that fork in the road.   Big hugs, Rick ... View more

Hi @Deb1 ,   My Dad was in a similar situation to you. He lived alone on a 1,000 Ha property near Glen Innes. He had overcome bladder cancer and had to deal with a urostomy bag. He survived like this for something like 15 years before he passed away from pneumonia.   He used to call me twice a week. I had 4 siblings, so I expect that he called at least one of us each night. And then he had his property, cows and sheep to look after. He was also interested in dancing and so taught ballroom dancing to teenagers in preparation for debutante balls. And then he would go on a big "holiday" every 3 or so years to visit us all, one at a time. He also had a crush on a younger woman - a case of unrequited infatuation.   This all kept him adequately occupied and he simply got on with whatever needed to get done. The one good thing about my Dad's approach was that he managed to keep off the booze - 3 of his 4 brothers had been alcoholics.   So why not call your family on a regular basis and, even better, talk to them face to face via Skype? And surely you can find some interest that will get you out to mingle with others at night? Next time you are in town, go along to your local rissole or bowls club and join up in one or two evening activities - even if you don't like the particular activity, the companionship can only do you good.   Just get on your bike and start enjoying life while you can.   Let us know how you get on!   Big hugs, Rick ... View more

Great to hear. As is often the case, not as serious as you thought it might be. But best to get things checked sooner than later to avoid the worry over "nothing", or catch it early if it is "something". No worries - we are here for each other no matter how big or small the need. Hugs, Rick ... View more