Mum (64 yo now) was diagnosed with bowel cancer in Aug 2009. After 2 rounds of chemo, 1 round of radiotherapy and 3 surgeries (including a permanent iliostomy bag), she was declared cancer free in Aug 2010. It was a very hard year, as my once "young" mum aged so much and has continued ever since. I just about had a breakdown as I took on most of the emotional support and was the one to take her to all treatment sessions and doctors' appointments (at the expense of my job - not that I cared coz she's my mum).
Then since the start of Sep, she just hasn't been right. Very low in energy (to the point where walking from the kitchen to the living room left her out breath and heart racing). So forget about even leaving the house. Lots of issues with her kidneys but they couldn't find any actual kidney stones, just some kind of obstructions. After multiple hospitalisations and trips to the emergency department, we finally found out almost 5 weeks ago that her cancer is back. They are the same kind of cancer cells as last time, which means she's not curable. All they can do is contain and hopefully reduce the tumours, but it'll never actually go away. They are now in most of her lymph nodes, all the way down past the abdomen right up to her neck. So spread right throughout the body (but it hasn't jumped to another organ).
She started chemo again 3 weeks ago. I've been going through the motions. But last night, it finally hit me. I don't know how much longer my mum has. I just don't know what I'm going to do without her. I'm 31 years old and I can't bear the thought of losing her, she is the #1 person in my life. I've been in tears on and off at work all day (thank god I have a big partition around my desk) just stressing about it.
Naz =(
