New here. Mum has stage 4 lung and brain cancer

[annie1963]

Hello everyone, My Mum was diagnosed in late March with lung(left lung) and brain cancer(stage 4)with tumors on liver,breast & kidney. Everything moved very quickly from the day of her appointment with the oncologist. Mum was admitted to hospital that same day, with Mum needing one of the tumors on her brain removed due to the effects it was having on her sight, thinking, etc. From there it's been appointments visiting the cancer centre, chemo(to hopefully slow things down)so as to give her more time, blood tests. I have lost all sense of time, life seems so hectic. The cancer has spread to the right lung now. I'm guessing it has spread elsewhere too. After Mum's appointment with her oncologist yesterday, it seems Mum is now in palliative care stage, the lump above her hip has grown enormously over the past couple of weeks as has the lump on her breast. It upsets me greatly to see the look of confusion on Mum's face. Mum keeps a lot to herself, doesn't say a lot on how she is feeling. Mum and I were never close, but I'm there every step of the way for her and I'm sure Mum knows this. I love her with all my heart. I don't know at this stage how I'm feeling myself.

[Lell]

I am feeling for you. My sister 48 was diagnosed last July with small cell lung cancer and was told she would be lucky to make Christmas. She went through chemo and combined radio and chemo. Unfortunately it has now metastasised to her brain ( at least 15 lesions) she has been admitted now to a pallative care unit and I am watching her body deteriorate, struggling with fine motor skill, being lifted on a hoist to go to toilet, losing control of her bladder and bowel. It is so sad she has three beautiful daughters. Life can be so unfair. I keep wondering what else she has ahead and how much longer she can fight this.

[annie1963]

hi Lell, Our Mum passed away mid February. It was a blessing for her, as they do suffer very much. Mum never complained about her condition. It doesn't take away the pain of losing a treasured one, I miss Mum and still think about her every day, I laugh and cry at treasured happy memories. All you can do is be there to support her and her daughters. Spend time talking to her, even though she may be "sleeping" as they hear everything that is being said. We would make visits happy occasions rather than dwell on the negative. I always gave Mum her privacy when she had "accidents" and let the nurses do their job. I'd go into the lounge area. My heart goes out to you, I feel your pain. Just be there and be strong for now. It is difficult, but is worth it.I keep a note book and write down my thoughts whenever I have a tough day, just an idea for you and even her 3 daughters. Just be as supportive as you can. Yes, life is unfair, don't dwell on it.

[Lell]

Thank you so much for your reply. Did your mum end up in a pallative care unit? And how long was she in care for before she passed away. Thank you for your suggestions of writing your thoughts down. Apparently she has become very angry towards those nearest and dearest at the minute. Not looking forward to these final weeks? Months? .

[annie1963]

I'm not sure where in Australia you're from. Our Mum was in Braeside Hospital at Fairfield from early December until towards the end of December. Mum was then transferred to a palliative care unit, The Lavender Suite, in a HammondCare nursing home at Hammondville. Mum was there for about 6 weeks before passing away. Your sis is going to be angry, try not to take it personally. It's a phase they go through. As I said, support her as much as possible, and more importantly, support her daughters. It is hard and full on, keeping busy helped me through. I would catch the train and bus to and from which was a 1 1/2-2 hours trip either way. I took my kindle along and did a lot of reading to wind down. While Mum slept, I would go to the cafe across the road and enjoy some lunch or a hot chocolate. I never left to go home if Mum was sleeping. I always made sure I told her I was going home while she was awake. Mum didn't like being left alone(which is understandable), I hated leaving her when it was time to go. If I could have stayed I would have, but I have a family and had to get home to do the things that us Mum's do. I had the flu 2 weeks before Mum passed away. When I was able to get back in to see her there were no conversations between us anymore, as Mum was under sedation from the pain meds most of the time. So talk to your sister as much as possible, reminisce about all the good times you had as children, teens, as young women and being Mums. Try not think of the negatives, think of the positives. I had a good talk to the senior RN for an hour as it was pretty quiet, at the nursing home who said that "your thinking the way you do" will get me through. Play her favourite music, find things for her to do, games she may like to play....brighten up her room with flowers, balloons etc etc...have photos of her daughters on display. I hope some of this helps. Try and keep the negativity at bay. I'm still winding down from all the busy-ness from the daily outings of going to see Mum. Sometimes it seems to be too quiet. I miss going to see Mum, seeing the specialist team of the Lavender Suite, the cafe, etc, etc...all of a sudden it's not there anymore. So enjoy the time with your sister while she is still here.

[Lell]

Thank you for your reply it was very informative. My sister is off a property near Wellington. However she was having treatment out of RNSH hospital and always travelled to Sydney for her treatment. She is also under Hammond care and based at wahroonga neringah hospital. She keeps saying she is in rehab and she is going to build herself up and then they will let her go home. I am trying to be positive but honestly I can not see her getting back to the farm. It's funny what you said about not going when they sleep. We did on Friday night and she was on the phone wanting to know where we had gone and why??? She was in such a deep sleep that we had not bothered to wake her. I did take her a scrapbook I made with my daughter on our last visit and she loved it! Wasn't sure how she was going to react to it. Can totally relate to how you would miss it all. The coffees walks to get lunch and talks. Thanks for your support, encouragement and friendship much appreciated.

[Lell]

Unfortunately my sister passed away this morning. Thank you for your support during my journey. She is now at peace.

[annie1963]

I'm so sorry to hear of your sister's passing, Lell, and yes, she's at peace. Now it's time for you all to grieve. Thank you for contacting me. I'm happy I could support and encourage you on your journey with your beautiful sister. Take care of yourself, Lell. I'm here if you want to talk. I receive an email to let me know that you've sent a message.