Not sick but terminal

[Daisy77]

My mum is terminal. Days to weeks but she feels fine and normal. She Says its surreal. How do I? Cope? Stop crying? Prepare? Stay strong? Organise affairs? Accept?  2 year journey happened so fast. Finding it so hard , I feel alone, her mum is not coping and my father & brother in denial. I need to be the strong one but can’t, any guidance will be helpful. 

[Susana_CCNSW]

Hi Daisy77

Thank you very much for sharing your heartbreaking experience.

I am very sorry to hear your mum prognosis is not good. It is so difficult to face and cope with a terminal diagnosis.

In moments like this is when we find the strength and resiliance we did no know we had. As you mentioned, there are so many things you need to take care of, like organise affairs, any legal documentation, and of course, accept everything that is happening, find the time to process everything, and allowing yourself to cry if needed.

If you would like to talk to someone about what your are going through, or perhaps see if any of our Cancer Council Services may be suitable for your needs (like counselling) please call 13 11 20 to find out more.

Stay strong

Warm regards

Susana

Cancer Council 

Online Community

[StayStrong38]

I completely understand. My dear wife is in the same situation. 

[Sunflower75]

I am going through the same with my mother only, she flatly refuses, to take anything other than panadol for the obvious pain she is in. 

She is so afraid of

a) becoming reliant on painkillers, 

b) ruining her organs from side effects 

c) becoming constipated 

So she cries, she gets cranky and unconsciously grunts all the time, due to her discomfort, caused by the tumours in her body. her tumours. She sits with the pain and deals with it, saying to all of us "It is not the cancer giving me pain, it is the osteoporosis and the pressure on my body from the tumours, making me uncomfortable.   I can't get comfortable." 

We keep trying  to convince her to have something a little stronger than panadol to make herself comfortable.  She won't 

 It is heartbreaking to watch her slowly deteriorating.  So skinny now, except for all the big bulges of tumours in her tummy, her lymph nodes and the obvious breathlessness from the cancer around her lungs.  

I am so sad, so scared, so unsure of what the next 6 months will hold for her.  She has lasted almost 2 years now since first serously going downhill in health. 

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with and I dont know how to

[Miranda_ccnsw]

Hi @Sunflower75 , thank you so much for sharing your pain here, sometimes just putting the things we are feeling into words can bring small moments of relief. You're not along here with many others feeling similar feelings as they care for someone with cancer. You have been carrying a lot for the last couple of years and I can hear how it's beginning to feel like more than you can handle - but trust in yourself - you've got this far so continue to lean on your inner strength and take it day by day.

Perhaps your mother might speak to her medical team about the side effects of the painkillers and the best path for pain management for her? 

Here is a resource that may be of help for you as you navigate the coming months: Caring for Someone with Cancer.

You can also call our team on 13 11 20 and discuss any support options available to you as a carer - we offer counselling and telephone support groups that may be a fit. 

Stay strong,

Miranda

CCNSW

[Miranda_ccnsw]

How are you feeling this week @Sunflower75 ? I do hope you are finding some light in everything you are facing?