Partner won't talk to anyone. Not even me his partner and carer.

[Jen]

Hello All My partner is having another severe reaction to his treatment. Extreme pain and neuropathy. His syringe driver meds concoction has been upped significantly. His oncologist did a scan yesterday as he thought the cancer had spread to his liver - it hasn't thank goodness. Apparently it's fatty liver caused by the treatment. I have depression which he doesn't understand and he thinks that I should be just 'getting on with it' as he's the one in need. I've never been able to talk to him about my issues and he refuses to talk about what he's going through. He was rude to the social worker and chaplain at the hospital when they tried. I was so embarrassed. He really needs to talk to someone but who? I've tried to get him to join a Cancer Council group but he won't. I've now had to take a step back as his carer and partner as I'm an emotional mess. I recognise that me being this way is not helpful to him, but I worry he will now resent me. It's a case of 'self preservation' as my psych's have understood and told me this. I've been in hospital for my depression before and certainly don't want that to happen at the moment. If he wasn't so sick I'd be having myself admitted though. Any suggestions on who I could get to talk to him? Many thanks!

[little_stitcher]

Hi Jen, I think one of the hardest things about being a partner and carer is having to be the 'passenger' in this situation. You can only help your partner as much as he will let you, and only in the ways he will let you. I think it's good that you've taken a step back and are concentrating on your health at the moment. Seeing how much this helps you might encourage him to talk to someone as well. I wish you both heaps of good things. Hugs, Emily

[kj]

Jen I have a friend whose partner had the same cancer as mine I was asked to contact him which I did we talked but my offer of help was not of any benefit to him if someone withdraws it is very hard to find a way to help,I have become friends with his partner ,we meet for coffee occasionally she has a medical background and has helped me out on occasions with advice,she had similar problems with her partner withdrawing but she was not suffering depression like you .You are doing the right thing by going in to self preservation mode or you may have a huge setback with your own health,it is not selfish but the right thing to do,if your depression sends you,so low you are no good to yourself or him,so look after yourself first. Kj