Hello Mrs B How are you and John doing? Have you found any complementary therapies or checking out second opinions? Trials? My partner has just finished treatment and it was with curative intent but because of his side effects and some glitches in treatment I worry about the state of the health system too! I'm very much worry about being in the position that you're in now! I have been told not to, and to take it as it comes, but I understand that we need to feel as though we're doing all we can to help our partners as carers and aim for the best possible outcome. I suffer from depression and anxiety which doesn't help. He was my carer and I am now his. I don't work and that has made things easier in caring for him. I don't know how people with children and work cope! My mind is on my partner and his care all the time. I think that some people are just incredible to be able to juggle life and this illness. I wonder whether you have spoken to the Cancer Council on their 13 number? As Mark has said, do you have a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist? This is an emotional roller coaster and I don't know what I would do without the health professionals in my life and certain meds for myself. It really helps to have someone to talk to and there a lot of issues that you need to deal with, juggle and prioritise. There are no guarantees with something like Cancer but I wonder too about being told about 'curative intent', percentages for survival etc. It seems very unfair, wrong and cruel to give false hopes to people. If you'd like to send me a PM to discuss these sorts of prognosis' I'd like to chat. I understand that you need to prioritise yours and John's health at the moment so no pressure. You are both in my thoughts and I wish you only the very best! ... View more

Hello. Many thanks for the reply. It means a lot to me! It has made me feel a lot better about what's happening. My psychologist has allowed me to vent and that has been helpful but hasn't given me any coping strategies like yours did. He has said though that my partner isn't as fragile as I seem to think and that he won't 'break' if I have a bit more 'me' time. That helped a lot having someone say that to me. I think because of all the complications my partner has had my sensitive and worrying nature has been exacerbated. I've now come to a point of acceptance about everything that's happening. It's the new 'normal'. I am able to do things I never thought I'd be capable of doing without bursting into tears and that's something I am quite proud of in itself. It's a bit of a cliche, but there have been some good things come out of a bad situation. It's not nice but as you say it is 'normal'. I think because I'm in a regional area it's been a bit tougher for me as I don't know anyone who has been through a similar journey and I haven't been told about the complications that my partner is having. It seems as though the professionals are even a bit concerned about some of the complications and that's what worries me the most. The health system seems to be 'broken' and that has made things more difficult. There's no radiation specialists for me to ask questions of. I will be following this up this week coming though and perhaps get some more answers. My partner is keeping in contact with some of his friends. He didn't want many people to know that he has cancer but living in a regional area the word has spread, as it often does. It's not nice to hear it seems to be a valid topic of conversation for people but we have accepted that there are some small minded people out there. He's not able to use his voice very much due to pain but I'm sure he will make up for it when he's better. I've been sending text updates to his family and close friends at least weekly and when we get news about anything new. Laughing is indeed important medication and he has a good sense of humour which is great. We have been watching some comedic tv, just half hour episodes as he hasn't much concentration and falls asleep easily because of the fatigue and meds but it!s something at least to take our minds of medical matters. Well done and congratulations on being cancer free for a year! It's a big milestone and I hope that you are celebrating! Thanks so very much for your response and I wish you all the very best and hope to hear continuous good news for you! Thanks Jen ... View more

Thanks Mark. I'm just about to send you a message to your inbox. I've read your profile and posts and I do believe that the are a lot of similarities between what you have been through and what my partner is going through. Thanks so much for being open and supportive. I appreciate it so much. It's not good that you've been through what you have but I am very grateful for your insights. I've just read that you have just had some more bad news with your sister. I'm so sorry and it seems that you have had such awfully bad luck in your family. I can only hope that you can support each other and empathise with each other during all this. Thank you for your kindness in such a difficult time and I'm sending you my best wishes! Be kind to yourself! PS I was just about to send you a message with my Facebook details but I can't work out how to do it as your message about this has disappeared? Will try and figure it out but this site is having a few hiccups I think. ... View more

Thank you Albert. I'll be checking in frequently I think. It's horrible that this has happened to us all but I'm very grateful for the support. I have wonderful family and friends but it's different when talking with people who are going through and understand all this first hand. Many thanks and best wishes! ... View more

Hi Mark and Albert and others. Thanks for your responses! Thanks so much for your response Mark My partner and I really appreciate it! I'd love to 'chat' to your wife and carer if that's possible! I thought I would update this thread for others info - hopefully they won't have to go through such an ordeal but just to let others know that since I last posted its quite incredible how far my partner has come! He has been so sick I haven't had time or energy to respond until now and I'll be sure to check out your posts! He's travelling a lot better now but still has a syringe driver with various meds to control his pain. Treatment was restarted after a break of a week for the infection to subside and the pain to be controlled. He's got another two weeks of radiation to go through and two more days of chemo. The Dr's changed the chemo regime so it's just Cisplatin now and instead of four continuious days of chemo, it's four days, (one day a week) of chemo - 2 more chemo days to go. The prognosis is still 'curative' but I know that things may get worse before they get better. I hope that I can help others as much as I've been helped by this wonderful community. Best wishes to All. ... View more