Primary carer @ 23

New Member

Primary carer @ 23

Hi everyone,

 My mum was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer last October. I have been her primary carer as I live at home with her. She has had aggressive treatment of chemo, radio and a 14 hour surgery. She has finally returned home but I am struggling to undertake the role of caring for her and full time working. I guess I wanted reassurance that I’m not the only one struggling. I feel I have had to take on so much responsibility at such a young age and find I am now getting angry and jealous of those who have a “normal” life. It’s physically, emotionally and mentally draining. 


Its a role I love and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, but I guess I want everyone else to understand. It’s a bit of a lonely time. I already see a psychologist every month. 


Any other young primary Carers out there? I’d love to share our experiences and help each other xo 

New Contributor

Re: Primary carer @ 23

I am not a young carer but I did have to care for my Mum at a time when I was working full-time.  Trying to keep calm when she snapped or had a go at me, added to the work as well. I continually had to tell myself that she isn't my normal Mum anymore and if she was herself, she wouldn't speak like this to me.  Biting my lip just added to the emotional strain that no one knew I was carrying.  Eventually I organized some relief help from a Health Care service.  You must do this must get regular time that is your's alone to have some time out or it will get you down. I knew my Mum wouldn't like 'a stranger' in her house but I had to put my need above her wants when it got to a time of overstrain on me physically and emotionally.    Find a health care service or contact Silver Chain for home help. You will have to pay an hourly or daily fee but if you are getting Carers Benefit from Centrelink that should help and maybe go 50/50 with Mum's pension income so that the full cost is not all on you.  Organize every second weekend off or housework help or whatever you want that will give you some relief.  To work full-time and be a carer is too much for one person to handle 24/7 and you need to have a life too, particularly at such a young age.  You are not being selfish at all.  It is normal to want some time for yourself to enjoy what your friends are enjoying. Mum may get anxious and feel insecure about you being away from her but she will adjust, don't allow yourself to be swayed by feelings of guilt and stand firm in your decision. You are not being heartless.  Please do this for yourself or you do run the risk of becoming resentful and bitter.  My thoughts go to you for your loving care.


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