Struggling with responsiblity of caring and living

[I_Miss_My_Mums_]

I thought i would put in a group message to the young carers out there looking after someone with cancer! GO US!!!!

[artist_in_recov]

Absolutely - GO YOU, you are doing a fantastic, miserable, heart breaking job and you all deserve the praise and acknowledgement of everyone...I'm not a carer, I'm a survivor, but everyone around me who took care of me in my darkest hours deserves a great big medal!!

[I_Miss_My_Mums_]

Thank you! Congratulations on having the title of Survivor - that must be so empowering to write, im hoping my mum starts to think like that; she has survived two primary cancers of the breast and throat - a full mastectomy and larygectomy. Its extreamly difficult and sometimes i feel like i have the cancer, but after coming on this site and listening to others i dont feel so bad. I have my days though. Im 23, so it takes its toll on me at times; due to the extra responsibility and time thats needed of me ive lost alot of friends and dont have much support. I dont mind the support from friends, i do mind that her friends arent supporting her. Mum is on here as No Voice - im sure she would like to hear from another survivor with a bit of hope! Take care - P.S can you send that medal anytime soon hahahaha

[artist_in_recov]

Yeah it is nice to be known as a survivor, but my cancer experience left behind a lot of secondary damage in the form of a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) - an infection whilst immuno suppressed from chemotherapy has left permanent damage and while I can relate to you and your Mum in terms of friends who don't know how to be there for you, so they leave - my boyfriend couldn't handle it when my hair started falling out, so he left...but on the positive side, I have just 3 fantastic girlfriends who don't treat me any different to how I was before...so I hope you and your Mum have a couple of those good ones - you only need a handful of GREAT friends to get by (in my opinion) and you've got this site to vent (I'll look for "No Voice" and say hi to her too). Once again, you are a wonderful human being and once I get all the medals done, I'll send you one *wink*. Take care, Artist_in_Recovery.

[#5]

Hello Miss-my-mum's-voice. Cancer really does demand so much of us all doesn't it. You have both had such a rough time of it. I am a survivor. 3 lumps were found in my breasts and after the lumpectomies I decided that, as my breasts had 'discovered how to make cancer' they could go and the following week I had bi-lateral mastectomies because also, the doctor felt the chances of it returning was very high. I have also been a Carer for a very dear friend who was infected with Golden Staph after a knee operation. For ten years I watched her health plummet and they were very hard and demanding years, so I do know what you are feeling. Unlike your mum, my friend did not survive and it is now just about 7 years since she has gone, but the responsibility and work involved in looking after her has never left my mind and it takes little to recall the exhaustion I felt and the heartbreak too. At 23 you are so very young to be dealing with all this and I admire you for all you are doing. Friends do leave and that is hard, but they don't understand, don't know, and are also frightened. I actually had one friend ask me when I had cancer if it was 'catching' :-( The thing is, that in the end, it is you and your Mum who are important and no one else can possibly begin to understand the value you place on eachother - maybe they are jealous and feel shut out, but whatever you Mum has survived and you will too. I have learned one thing in life. Nothing stays the same forever and the years you both have ahead of you will put this time in a shoe box as other happy things come along. New friends, new interests and who knows what other lovely things are waiting around the corner - never lose sight of that, not for a minute xxxx

[#6]

Hi ya artist. Yes it is nice to be thought of as a survivor and with luck more and more people will survive this wretched condition. My word you have been in the middle of the washing machine with it haven't you, and yes, it isn't always the cancer that is the problem has as much as the side affects. I have a friend who has had 5 primaries over the past 7 years and is now cancer free, but it has left her with only one kidney and half a liver, both of these organs are causing her so much pain and distress and she is now on kidney dialysis because of it. She also has a damaged heart due to it all. I am so sorry to read you suffered a brain infection which has left you with damage, that must be so hard to deal with, but on the bright side, you are still young, very pretty and your boyfriend was a fool and well lost. One day you will meet someone who has more courage and more love than that and you will deserve it all I a sure of that xxxx

[I_Miss_My_Mums_]

Hi Darkiescorner, Can i start off by saying that statement "I decided that, as my breasts had 'discovered how to make cancer' they could go and the following week" was absolutely hilarious! I showed Mum and she thought that was great! I am sorry to hear about your dear friend, may i say that without your assistance im sure life would of been very hard for her. You are right thought about cancer demanding alot of our time. Yes, friends leave and are freightened but does that justify there actions? I think thats a cop out; what about the fear in the person, the feelings of loneliness and despair that doesnt go away without those peoples support? It just amazes me how people can sit there and judge, look down and criticise those who do wrongful things when people are doing them everyday behind closed doors! In the end, we have each other - we may only have the two of us, and this website but i have dreams, hopes and fears like everyone. Im not a dreamer, im a doer and if anything im working harder and being stronger to make her see that life is shit, yes no doubt, but its what you make it everyday, if that makes sense 🙂

[#8]

G'day again Miss My Mum's voice... yes I bet you do, I can understand that, and I bet she does too, but what I have discovered from the cancer experience is that you learn so much. It's like being forged into steel by fire. You are right, friends cop out and no there is no excuse only reasons why they do it. My friend had 6 children, none of them even believed she was so ill. Even some near neighbours were shocked when she died, they thought we were exaggerating! It was a terrible thing for us both and I still find myself very angry about it. Yes it amazed me too, since then through the amount of contact I have had with other cancer patients and their Carers I have found this is not uncommon - the human race has a great deal to learn. You have learned it, maybe one day they will too. Look if you would like to join my thread in the eBay forums where there are women coming and going a lot you are very welcome and I am sure Cancer Connections won't mind me passing this in: http://forums.ebay.com.au/forum/Community-Spirit/500000007 The above site gets you into the Community Spirit forum where I have been running a thread for people with cancer for about 5 and half years. If you join as you had to here you can then find my thread by going to : http://forums.ebay.com.au/topic/Community-Spirit/A-New-Place/500121815?start=2130&#msg504369844 My ID there is Darksideofthemoon and everyone calls me Darkie :-) We chat about a lot of things really and nothing is 'out of order'. Sometimes there are a lot of posts and other times very few, it's the way it goes. It's just a thought and maybe you and your mum would enjoy the extra contact this would give you. I used to run a Corner here too, but it didn't take off as well - hence my Darkie'scorner ID. Does your Mum type? If so she would then have a voice in the forums - if not then maybe she could learn? It would be an extra skill for her and the more skills we have the better off we are. She is too young to stop learning yet :-) Do give it some thought Catch you soon xx

[I_Miss_My_Mums_]

Hi Darkie, Yes Mum does type - her ID on here is "No Voice". Mum has only just started to blog, hence why there is only one on there from her. She will be sitting down over the weekend to reply and post another one. I will let mum know about your forums also, thank you for this information and your extended support 🙂

[#10]

Hello again 🙂 have just come in from the garden and found you here so thought I would answer now. Yes life can be shit, we were never promised it was going to be 'easy'. When life is easy we don't learn anything, it has to be hard to make us think and re-think our ideas and develop our knowledge, which cannot all come out of books. And yes, you are right, life is what you make it. If we keep our sense of curiosity alive and well, then cancer, whatever we lose through it, will slowly minimise as other things take over. Even without being able to speak your Mum can read and listen and communicate by writing or typing. She could write books - I am just now working my way through writing my first novel and it is such an interesting hobby. That's great that your Mum can type, it gives her such an outlet to talk and communicate with others and that is so important. It must be so distressing for her not to be able to just join in with conversation again whenever she wants to. I live on my own so I don't get to see a lot of people to chat to, which is one reason I do keep in contact with a couple of chat rooms. One can make such good friends this way and there are so many benefits... You don't have to be dressed to talk to friends. You don't have to have a clean house. You don't have to have have cake and biscuits ready for them. You can chat whenever it suits you. and it is nice to have people out there who you know and will chat about things that interest you. :-) I am beginning to lose my hearing ... I am getting on in years a bit, so I also find chatting this way means I actually don't miss a word !! ;-) I live in southern Tasmania, where are you?