Dear all You are all going through the same difficult journey we have been on for the last year and a bit - I truly hope I do not upset anyone with this post. I take my hat off to anyone battling this dreadful disease; I don't know if I could be courageous enough to get up day after day in pain all the time. My motherin law, who is a non-smoker (we still feel like we have to preface her type of cancer with this because of the stigma!), was diagnosed with stage IV non small cell lung cancer just before xmas 2007. Although she had many struggles over the last year, she always managed to pull back from them. Sadly xmas 2008 was her last one and following hospital admission last Wednesday, she lost her battle today, ironically one month before she turns 61. She was adamant about not dying in hospital, so although the docs advised against transporting her, the pal care staff advocated on our behalf and she was transferred to clare holland house on Friday. Although she'd had a few stays there before, each time the docs were very optimistic that she'd be home once the pain was under control, or her treatment had finished etc etc. However, this time they weren't able to say that. You know this day is coming but it still doesn't prepare you when it finally happens. Conflicting emotions everywhere - the grief, but also the positive emotion (don't know what to call it) that they are no longer suffering and in pain. I wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who contributes to these forums, by offering advice/responding to posts or even just reading others' posts - they have been my crutch over the year and also a learning aid for us - sadly so many people are affected by cancer - themselves or someone they love. We've been so grateful to our workmates and bosses - who have been incredibly supportive. We are aware that many folks are not so lucky. Don't quite know what to do with ourselves sitting here, it doesn't seem real. Take care all and best of luck in your journies. Zoe
