Not sure why typing is easier than talking for me but here it is.
Without giving my entire life story, I grew up in a small house with just my mum and sister until I flew the nest at eighteen. Since then I've slowly found my way through life's 'living out of home' challenges, even refusing to go back home when I became unemployed for three months. Why? We never got along. I don't just mean the occasional squabble, I mean we couldn't be breathing the same air for two minutes before something went wrong. This was especially between me and my mum, I constantly dreamt of ways to move out before I could- I constantly told the world how much I hated her. But since living out of home our relationship has improved. Only four months ago I realised how important she is to me. How much she really sacrificed for me when I thought she was being selfish. How much she taught me. How much I really do need her.
Only three months ago she was diagnosed with lung cancer.
At first I was worried that life wasn't going to be very normal, but it did stay so for a while. I was able to channel any anxiety or sadness into fundraising door to door for the Cancer Council and for a while there I thought she would be sweet.
Two weeks ago we were told it's terminal.
Yesterday we were told we have 4-6 weeks with her.
In her last couple of weeks, she will be bedridden, unable to move or even speak.
In between all of this I have been trying to balance a job and a pair of housemates who haven't understood why I haven't been home as often as usual. I, without a license have been trying my hardest to call and see my mum as often as possible but she never tells me it's getting worse. My family won't tell me until I ask, or until they're yelling at me for not being there for things I didn't know about- like falls, infections, time frames. I was meant to move back home but then my sister did too, and mum told me she didn't want both of us at home because this is supposed to be a happy ending for her and us three together will be detrimental to her health. Every other family member is telling me she is lying, protecting me. I just don't know what to do. I know she needs me there but she can't deal with me being there either. How can I respect my mum's wishes in between deciphering what's true and what's blanketing the truth.
I've never dealt with anything like this before, I'm twenty years old and have family members left right and centre offering to take me in when she goes and I'm scared that I'll actually need it. I want to hide.
Hi Gretchen, I'm so sorry to hear that you and your family are going through this. Family relationships can be so difficult anyway, but to have this added dimension is just awful. I'm sending you big hugs, love Emily
My mum passed away earlier this year to cancer. I discovered she hid the truth about how bad she was and i have only just recovered from that anger and realised As a mother you would do anything to protect your child, even if that means lying. She doesn't want you sad or grieving for her yet as she isn't dead. Enjoy each day as normal,let her know you will be fine and you love her. Don't see it as she doesn't want you there but, she doesn't want you to see her suffer or that being memories of her.
Good luck with everything, no matter how old or young we are, we always expect our mums to be there and i u,derstand how u must be fwelingg. Look after yourself
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.