What do I do now?

[Narelle1]

Hi everyone , my beautiful healthy vibrant mother had just got off her first ever cruise in October 2018. She was diagnosed with glioblastoma grade 4 brain cancer in November of the same year and everything just fell apart. My parents at the time lived 7 hours away from me. My only sibling ( brother ) passed away 11 years ago from a heart attack. My mothers prognosis was left temporal lobe incurable , terminal she was given 4 to 6 weeks. My dad fell apart. I bought them both home with me to live  and be surrounded by my 5 children ( 2 of whom are married ) but one 18 year old a 16 year old autistic and 13 year old still at home. And I bought them home so we could spend this time with her and support my dad as well . We are now going into June.  My mum has been extremely lucky and is still here . Although shes not really here . The person my mother was is gone . The tumour has crossed the midline and has changed her personality. She is like a combative dementia patient. She is deteriorating very slowly her mobility is staring to be affected now some days shes good some days shes not . She is mostly incontinent although still insists on going to the toilet. Shes getting tired and her personal hygiene is almost non existent which is ok. She has only had rare episodes of pain ( thank god) but mostly is just angry and lashes out to everyone . ( not her fault) the problem is I took a leave of absence from work when she was diagnosed I had four months off and quickly drained our bank account so I have had to return to work in the last couple of months. My dad is in complete denial about what is happening and insists that she gets up and showers etc everyday he nags her constantly and it doesn't matter how many times I tell him or the drs tell him he just wont let up. This has placed a huge stress on my family . My husband is so angry at him but wont say anything because he doesn't want to be horrible. My kids are not coping at all. My youngest spoke to her school councillor and has now been referred to a psychologist. I feel like the most selfish daughter on the planet because I love my parents immensely  they have been fantastic parents to me and I'm stuck in this horrible nightmare and it's only going to get worse. I honestly dont know what to do if input my mother in care ( I have power of attorney ) then she and my dad will hate me and I'll devastate them but my family is falling apart . Financially I cant afford to give up work and take them home to there own home and to be honest I'm just at a loss .

[Budgie]

Wow Narelle1,

You certainly have a lot to deal with.  

Firstly, you've done what you can,  to the best of your ability.  There's nothing wrong with that, but now your family is starting to pay the price this horrible cancer is exacting.  Think about what is MOST important to you, then do what needs to be done.  Your husband needs to say something to your father.  Tell him to stop holding his tongue.  

At the end of the day, I assume you would want your husband & children to be happy.  If that means putting your mother into care, then that may have to be the way to go.  Yes, it may mean your mother & father won't be happy with what you decide, but if everyone's health is suffering instead of just your mother's, then surely, that would be the right thing to do.

Budgie