Young carer, what do I do?

[Miss_Molly]

Hey everyone. I don't really know what I am supposed to write here but here goes. I'm Molly, I'm 17 and my mothers carer. Mum was recently diagnosed with secondary breast cancer. It had been nine years clear after the last lot of breast cancer. Sometimes being a carer is really tough, I have had to quit my job and sacrifice a lot. I love caring for her, and it can be really rewarding, but really scary sometimes. I'd like to speak to other carers experiencing the same as I am. Share experiences, weaknesses, how to cope and all of that. Sometimes I just think I'm losing it, and I can't lose it. How do I still live my life? Or do some things that I want to do? I feel completely selfish writing this but sometimes I just need a chat. :)

[chatterdog]

Hi Molly, I don't know if you are still around, you posted this a while ago. I can't imagine you are selfish in the slightest, sacrificing all that to care for your mum when you are so young. I hope you are doing okay and have some care and support yourself.

[Quail_Cottage]

Hello Molly Selfish is not a word used when one is trying to support in this huge endeavor of yours- Need is, the need for support, understanding and ability to say what you feel when you feel it without feeling guilt or any other self inflicted thoughts that are hard on yourself. I say this because I have been going thru this myself in a different manner. I do hope you have Home Care that comes in thru the day to assist you with your Mother. We do have services like this here in Canada that are free . You need respite care provided so you can have time for yourself to get away for a few hours, a few days or even a week. Having gone thru this and knowing how important this is, it is something that should be provided, I think, when any family member is ill with cancer. We do not have free respite here thru the night which is very difficult. I think the Government should be providing more of this for cancer families with funding in place. It would be hoped that family members would come forth and offer some help if they are well off in the interim. I really hope you are getting some time away, at least a few days every week and are not carrying this burden alone.. Lynette from Quail Cottage

[Miss_Molly]

Hey Lynette and Chatter dog, Thank you for your messages, I haven't been on here for a while now, as we know, being a carer can be busy and just don't get around to these things. We do have home help Lynette a cleaner comes once a week that is so helpful for mum and I. I had a minor break down recently and reached out, the local health centre shouted me a night in a motel in the Grampians, a great big spa and a king size bed with a view. It's nice to know there is support. As for mum, it's hard to know how she is at times. I think she is scared, but so scared that she doesn't want to scare my younger brother and I. She spends her day crying sometimes, it's hard to know what to do, I don't know whether to stay by her or leave her alone. We have good and bad days, and I think that's all we can do and say at the moment. You never know if a good or bad day is coming. Mum has a scan next week, and we'll find out what's going on which will hopefully be a relief! xx

[Wallyo]

Hi miss Molly, Sounds like yr doing a great job with yr mum. You are so young to be going through this! I am going through this myself, my mum has just been diagnosed in January with stage IV lung cancer with secondary to the bones. I am also caring for my mum, she has moved in with us. I know how u feel about not knowing what is the right thing to do all the time. It is hard. Have you got your own support network, people you can talk to if you need to? It is really hard also because you don't know what to expect, what's coming next. Hang in there, take each day one day at a time and enjoy the days where your mum is feeling ok.