how do you keep going ??

[garyowencat]

Hi- this is my first time writing in a forum so here goes- I'm feeling so low tonight, I have just helped my dad who has terminal cancer force down some dinner, swallow his pain killers and tucked him up in bed. He never sleeps for long, either needing the toilet or heaving and sweating terribly. I am so tired but feel guilty for thinking of myself when what he is going through is so bad. I try to look on the bright side as often as possible and celebrate in the little daily successes we some times have such as finishing all of the custard and jelly he has in his bowl for dinner or when he is able to walk to the chicken coop to feed his beloved chickens. At least when he is sleeping he is at peace right? and when the tablets are working well he is pain free right? don't know how I will see this through with him - but I have to.

[little_stitcher]

Hi Garyowencat,I'm so sorry to hear what you and your Dad are going through. Your title asked "How do you keep going"- celebrating small daily successes is just the way you will keep going. Keep in touch with this forum, too. It's a great place to vent/share/encourage/ask/tell: we're all in similar situations (although noone is exactly the same), so we can all understand a bit about what everyone else is going through. Keep posting, we're all cheering you on. love Emily

[m.portelli]

I'm at the beginning of my Mums terminal cancer. Started to care for her and already feeling guilty for thinking the thoughts that pass through my mind. I don't know how you do it. I don't know how I'm going to do it. But, I will because the alternative is unacceptable. I have 2 boys under 7 and they don't care what I've been doing whether its sitting on the chemo ward for 7 hours, listening to Mum being angry (often at me) because of the horrible unfair crap life has thrown at her or up all night because the steroid tablets are keeping Mum awake. I'm not at your end of this awful time and I know I need to celebrate each milestone but why can't we (the carers) be angry too. I'm sick of this fake smile and telling her its ok. Its not fair. I'm only existing until better days come. And they will, I just can't see thru the fog at the moment. But.... in saying this I wouldn't walk away from being my Mums carer either but it is very hard and not fair.

[m.portelli]

I'm at the beginning of my Mums terminal cancer (Mesothelioma - doctors have given her 8 - 12 months). I started to care for her and already feeling guilty for thinking the thoughts that pass through my mind. I don't know how you do it. I don't know how I'm going to do it. But, I will because the alternative is unacceptable. I have 2 boys under 7 and they don't care what I've been doing whether its sitting on the chemo ward for 7 hours, listening to Mum being angry (often at me) because of the horrible unfair situation that life has thrown at her or up all night because the steroid tablets are keeping her up. I'm not at your end of this awful time and I know I need to celebrate each win but why can't we (the carers) be angry too. I'm sick of this fake smile and telling her its ok. Its not fair. I'm only existing until better days come. And they will, I just can't see thru the fog at the moment. But.... in saying this I wouldn't walk away from being my Mums carer either but it is very hard and not fair.

[m.portelli]

I'm at the beginning of my Mums terminal cancer (Mesothelioma - doctors have given her 8 - 12 months). I started to care for her and already feeling guilty for thinking the thoughts that pass through my mind. I don't know how you do it. I don't know how I'm going to do it. But, I will because the alternative is unacceptable. I have 2 boys under 7 and they don't care what I've been doing whether its sitting on the chemo ward for 7 hours, listening to Mum being angry (often at me) because of the horrible unfair situation that life has thrown at her or up all night because the steroid tablets are keeping her up. I'm not at your end of this awful time and I know I need to celebrate each win but why can't we (the carers) be angry too. I'm sick of this fake smile and telling her its ok. Its not fair. I'm only existing until better days come. And they will, I just can't see thru the fog at the moment. But.... in saying this I wouldn't walk away from being my Mums carer either but it is very hard and not fair.

[m.portelli]

I'm at the beginning of my Mums terminal cancer (Mesothelioma - doctors have given her 8 - 12 months). I started to care for her and already feeling guilty for thinking the thoughts that pass through my mind. I don't know how you do it. I don't know how I'm going to do it. But, I will because the alternative is unacceptable. I have 2 boys under 7 and they don't care what I've been doing whether its sitting on the chemo ward for 7 hours, listening to Mum being angry (often at me) because of the horrible unfair situation that life has thrown at her or up all night because the steroid tablets are keeping her up. I'm not at your end of this awful time and I know I need to celebrate each win but why can't we (the carers) be angry too. I'm sick of this fake smile and telling her its ok. Its not fair. I'm only existing until better days come. And they will, I just can't see thru the fog at the moment. But.... in saying this I wouldn't walk away from being my Mums carer either but it is very hard and not fair.

[m.portelli]

I press save and the website crashes, so I do it again and again and then eventually I learn that it's saved it 4 times. Sorry for that and sorry for being so negative. It was a momentary lapse. Tomorrow will be a better day (if my kids let me sleep).

[little_stitcher]

Carers can be angry too, and this is the perfect place to express it. It's really hard being a carer, because you're often caring for the person you would normally vent to pre diagnosis. I have to admit that I sometimes vented to my husband while he was going through chemo- he ended up giving me as much support as I gave him- but I had no one else that had any idea what I was going through (I didn't find this forum until after he'd finished his chemo). But you can always vent here, and at any time of the day or night (that's the beauty of a web forum). Know that there are lots of people here who know that caring for someone with cancer is really hard and not fair. Sending a big encouraging hug that's just for you, Emily

[little_stitcher]

Carers can be angry too, and this is the perfect place to express it. It's really hard being a carer, because you're often caring for the person you would normally vent to pre diagnosis. I have to admit that I sometimes vented to my husband while he was going through chemo- he ended up giving me as much support as I gave him- but I had no one else that had any idea what I was going through (I didn't find this forum until after he'd finished his chemo). But you can always vent here, and at any time of the day or night (that's the beauty of a web forum). Know that there are lots of people here who know that caring for someone with cancer is really hard and not fair. Sending a big encouraging hug that's just for you, Emily

[Chebz]

I'm finding it really hard too. I look after dads medical side of things. He's terminal but had been responding really well to everything so far but then today our world crashed because the chemo isn't working. It's spread everywhere and there's only months now. I think we can keep going because we love them so much. We know if the situation were reversed they would care for us. I hope that sharing our roller coaster ride on here can help me keep going by reminding me that there are so many others going through similar circumstances. Hopefully we can keep one another stay strong through letting it out to people who get it