losing someone you loved

[Bridie]

My step-father passed away last monday. We had the funeral yesterday which thankgod is now over, it was very hard. It's strange because my thoughts are so geared to hearing him & the noises associated with him that I still think that I hear him. It's an awful disease.

[jazo]

I too have had to bear the terrible burden of losing a best friend. It happened to be my husband and father of our young children. He fought to the end and was only 37 when we lost him 5 weeks ago. My hardest thing is facing every day without his voice, love and support. I can empathise with anyone who has lost someone to this cruel disease. I was his carer at the end and he died at home as he wanted.

[skopdam]

Hey Jazo, I too lost my best friend and husband, but 5 months ago next week. We have 4 beautiful children together ranging in age from 4 - 12 yrs. I still find it hard to believe. He passed away within 6 months of diagnosis and we didn't even discuss the possibility of him not being here. I miss him so much. Just wanted you to know that I have an inkling of what you are going through. Take care, Kerrie

[swannies]

i lost my dad and i really really miss him

[jill]

I lost my husband of 13 years to bowel cancer ten months ago. It was such a shock as no one had said that he was going to die. One day he was talking, the next he stopped and I was told he was dying and only had days. He had two. He had only been diagnosed for 6 months and he had gone in to have his ileostomy reversed.  I was his carer as well. they did this and found he had adhesion, then he developed infections in his wound site and a urinary tract infection. He was so frail that it broke my heart to see him like that. On the day that they told me he was dying the doctors said he was waiting for something, I had to do the hardest thing ever and told him that if it was all too hard for him then I didnt want to lose him but I understood and it was ok to go. he seemed calmer after this and the next day he passed over in my arms. I miss him so much, he was my world. It has been a tough time but I am getting there slowly. So to others in this or a similar situation it may not help now but I just want to say that you will get through this, just take care of yourself, take baby steps and take it one day at a time. It will never be the same but a new "normal" will evolve and a stronger you will come out of this. Your loved one will be there with you just as my husband is with me always. Hope that this helps Jill

[Bec25]

that is so true, there is some hope to find a new 'normal' but i am 3 years on and i dont think i will ever feel comfortable in my own life anymore because it is a matter of compromising to a new 'normal'. i am completeing my masters degree and getting on with things but everyday is a struggle to be happy. i think i lost most of my friends long ago, maybe cancer changed me...who knows...but i am still trying to find the new 'normal'.

[#7]

Hi Jill,Kerrie and Kazo and anyone who's lost a partner, My husband passed at 36 years of secondary liver cancer.We've been together for 15 years and have 3 children aged 10,8,and 7. I thought that I was alone, but its comforting to know that there are others that understand how it feels to be living this nightmare. My wonderful friends wont know the horror i felt watching my beautiful, strong and healthy partner quickly become ill, weak and frail. I too was his carer and it haunts me the degree to which the disease butchered my husbands body and life. He only passed 6 weeks ago, so I've got a long way to go. I know its going to get worse before it gets better. Thanks for sharing your stories. Any handy hints to life without a bloke at home is much appreceated!

[jazo]

Its been 14 months for me now and I have had to take one day at a time. It is very up and down so be kind to yourself. I still am having trouble with the reality of the situation but am also still taking one day at a time.

[#9]

Hi Kerrie. I was just re reading the posts, and I'm wondering how you and your children are doing? I'm devasted for you and really empathasise. If you're feeling up to it, I'd love to hear from you.

[Nanna1]

I have only recently lost my husband - 15 days ago - it still doesn't feel real! My husband was first diagnosed with cancer at the back of the tongue, in July last year. I took time off work to care for him. I'm so glad I did, although I often felt useless - I couldn't change anything, or make it go away. If only I could. It was so hard to watch him wasting away before my very eyes and there was nothing I could do about it. It didn't matter how many nourishing meals I prepared for him, he couldn't eat them. He had surgery to remove lymph nodes to the right side of his neck (more cancer) and due to severe facial swelling, had to have a tracheotomy. He slowly lost his ability to swallow and to talk and to breathe. It was devastating. He was so very brave. He passed away at a palliative unit, quietly in his sleep. Just as he wanted. We were married 33 years and were together for 39 years. I don't know what to do without him. Where do you begin?