my partner has just been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer

[Bo]

Hi, my partner was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer yesterday and we are in total shock. He was originally diagnosed with Pneumonia back in January 09 but when he didnt get better we went to see a specialist in April and had tests done. You can imagine our shock to hear the news. Stage 4 !!!! They say they can only stop it growing with Chemo, it wont shrink it, so we are on borrowed time, months only. I love my partner (Pete) so much, i cant imagine life without him. How do i remain positive (everyone tells me to be positive!!!??) when i feel so sad. I dont want to spend what time we have left being miserable but how does one be happy???? Does anyone out there have any guide lines?? Each time i look at him i think 'he's dying' and how do i stop this line of thinking??? I want to be strong for him, he hates to see me sad, is there any words of wisdom to get us through this????

[admin_one]

Hi Bo, You can also use the people area to find people that has or have been in a similar situation to you. For example if you click this link you will find a list of family and/or friends of people with lung cancer. Let me know if you have any question.

[stevec]

Hey Bo, sorry to hear about the bad news. I hope someone is arranging some councelling for you. There are specialist oncology psycologists at my treatment centre who were great for me. I didn't find out about them till quite a while after I was diagnosed, so if no-one has arranged anything for you then push for someone to get you some help.

[Bo]

Thanks Steve. Nice of you to mention it. Hope all is well with you. What kind of cancer do you have? How is your partner coping?

[stevec]

Heya Bo, I'm doing well now, been in remission for over a year. I had testicular cancer (a rare form that showed up as a large tumour in my pelvis area, nowhere near 'that' area). We kind of fell apart after we found out and thigs were looking a bit dicey for a while, but surgery and chemo went perfectly. The first few weeks were the worst. I didn't get much info or help from anyone until I was admitted to the oncology ward (about 4 weeks after I was diagnosed and 2 weeks after surgery). But they were great there. My partner had been through thyroid cancer about 2 years before and my dad had died from bowel cancer about 2 months before so it hit my family pretty hard. However, the regional public hospital I was treated at gave us excellent support which my wife and my dad certainally didn't get at the 2 major Sydney Hospitals they were treated in. My dad's was a big name private hospital and they were hopeless there, I don't think they could have been less supportive of us (the family). If your finding that your not getting the support you need, then kick up a stink. Get onto the cancer council and maybe even your GP. I had to do that to get my case referred to the oncology ward I was treated at (initially I was put on a 2 month waiting list to see a private oncologist who was on holidays, that wasn't good enough for me - especially considering I had one of the fastest growing cancers - so my GP had me referred to a public hospital and I've never looked back). Anyway, I hope your doing alright. Steve

[#6]

Hi Bo, I'm very new to all this so hope I'm doing this correctly:) My husband of 33 years was diagnosed with stage IV bowel cancer in Feb 08. A bowel blockage was removed through surgery and the surgeon said he had just closed up because my husband was full of cancer!! He had never had a sick day in his life. I understand how you are feeling. The shock is incredible, isn't it? We were not given any positives at the time and our son, who lives overseas, was advised to come home asap by the oncologist. I don't know what advice to give except to say that we just refused to take on the negativity (not easy)and got in touch with a good naturapath while my husband was still in hospital to begin a support program and to prepare for chemo which we were told may give him some more time. We use meditation to control the terror and help the body to heal itself through visualisation and healthy self-talk eg I'm strong and healthy and I'm going to live to 100 (every day, all day). I also find every survival story I can to give my husband the belief that he can be well again. (e.g. Ian Gawler , given 2 weeks to live with metastised cancer 20 odd years ago!!!) We believe strongly in using right language to talk to ourselves about the cancer. ie. in our self-talk and when talking to others we don't "fight" the cancer we move strongly towards wellness. My husband is still working at a very high pressure job and has come through two rounds of chemo with very limited side effects. The oncologist is very surprised at my husbands great progress.He is now on Avastin and we are praying for good results from that. Please don't misunderstand, I still suffer feelings of terrible dread at what may come but I remind myself that not one person on this planet knows when his hour will come ...even me! So we just don't keep setting goals for the future and just "know" we are going to reach them. I think support groups are a great idea too. You will probably find that you need different kinds of support to your husband so take good care of yourself and remember the doctor's are only working on averages and your partner may just be one of those people who doesn't follow the norm!! Big hugs to you and your husband I'll send you golden light in my meditation!

[#7]

Hi Bo, I'm very new to all this so hope I'm doing this correctly:) My husband of 33 years was diagnosed with stage IV bowel cancer in Feb 08. A bowel blockage was removed through surgery and the surgeon said he had just closed up because my husband was full of cancer!! He had never had a sick day in his life. I understand how you are feeling. The shock is incredible, isn't it? We were not given any positives at the time and our son, who lives overseas, was advised to come home asap by the oncologist. I don't know what advice to give except to say that we just refused to take on the negativity (not easy)and got in touch with a good naturapath while my husband was still in hospital to begin a support program and to prepare for chemo which we were told may give him some more time. We use meditation to control the terror and help the body to heal itself through visualisation and healthy self-talk eg I'm strong and healthy and I'm going to live to 100 (every day, all day). I also find every survival story I can to give my husband the belief that he can be well again. (e.g. Ian Gawler , given 2 weeks to live with metastised cancer 20 odd years ago!!!) We believe strongly in using right language to talk to ourselves about the cancer. ie. in our self-talk and when talking to others we don't "fight" the cancer we move strongly towards wellness. My husband is still working at a very high pressure job and has come through two rounds of chemo with very limited side effects. The oncologist is very surprised at my husbands great progress.He is now on Avastin and we are praying for good results from that. Please don't misunderstand, I still suffer feelings of terrible dread at what may come but I remind myself that not one person on this planet knows when his hour will come ...even me! So we just don't keep setting goals for the future and just "know" we are going to reach them. I think support groups are a great idea too. You will probably find that you need different kinds of support to your husband so take good care of yourself and remember the doctor's are only working on averages and your partner may just be one of those people who doesn't follow the norm!! Big hugs to you and your husband I'll send you golden light in my meditation!