First Time

[Steven]

The first time it happened,

Filled with fear and dread,

Not hearing yet listening

To the words as they explained.

Yes its a tumor, malignant and you struggle

Your mind a whirl

Emotions ever changing

The stress and agony closing down your brain.

Supporters all saying

You will be fine

Be positive

I know how you feel.

I want to scream, you don't know, you have no idea

How do you know it will be fine

It's growing inside me.

They remove it, got it all they say

But it returns 5 fold, coursing through your veins

It spreads, it widens

Under the knife once again.

Be strong, be positive

I know how you feel

We got it all

Is this for real

Then before you know it

Once more the same.

Twice as many as last time

I weep for my sanity

I try to be strong

Support my supporters, keep them strong.

Return to work

Face those who don't know

How could they

Have they felt it

Have they gone through the show

I don't wish it on anyone.

Can but hope that its gone this time

Don't think that I can face it

It's too draining

It's humbling

It's slave

It eats away at your body

Your soul.

March 2017.

[chrishayward]

Wonderfully said, no one knows how it feels only you , for each of us are different , but don’t let it eat your soul 🙏🏻

[Steven]

Thank you for kind words, I had a 3rd recurrence last year and a fourth round of surgery in December , recovery becomes slower each time naturally, back to work but not to playing hockey. 

My intent of this piece was to clear my mind and acknowledge the support of not only family and friends but indeed virtual strangers while at the same time letting people know that it is sadly my journey (hopefully that makes sense). 

The support of others is treasured but at times misguided and overbearing, at least that is how I sometimes feel, and I always try to stay positive, not just for them but for myself as well.

sorry I am rambling I think.

God bless and keep positive and well.