First post

Skig53
New Contributor

First post

Hi. I’ve read many of these posts and feel for everyone going through this last bit. I have been amazed at the strength shown by this community, and didn’t feel I could write anything that would add to it. But, for the first time, I feel I have to share my feelings with a community that will understand. Briefly, diagnosed with IPF in 2018, lung cancer in 2019, had chemo and radiotherapy and beat it. Until it’s return in 2020. Oncologist and I discussed options and found none. On oxygen constantly now.  So now it’s just a waiting game. I haven’t had anymore scans because I don’t want to know. It’s growing but I don’t want it to define me. Stupid? Probably. I still haven’t told a lot of people, I hate the sympathetic and pitying looks. I am only now getting some pain, and find it extremely difficult to get out of the house. It’s been over a month now. I am angry with my body and the limitations it has placed on me. I am so grateful for the wonderful and caring people I have met while on this journey. And even more grateful for my family.  I am writing this on one of the days the despondency has attacked, it will go, as it usually does. I have learned much about myself and even though I want to live, part of me just wishes it was over. Thanks for listening. I think you are all bloody amazing.

4 REPLIES 4
LindaG
Regular Contributor

Re: First post

Hi Skig53, so glad you can share your feelings with us on this forum. Your diagnosis is not good, and yes, this journey really shows us a lot about ourselves. I know people said I was amazing but I mostly felt weak and emotional. It sounds like you have a good, loving family around you and that definitely helps. I can’t imagine not having family support. I will pray that you have strength and peace for the time ahead. Stay in touch if you need to 🙏💕💕 Linda G 

Skig53
New Contributor

Re: First post

Hi Linda. Just wanted to say thanks. I understand what you mean about what you show on the outside compared to what’s going on inside. Your very kind words mean a lot. I don’t think I could cope without my family, sounds you are much the same. My husband unfortunately chose some time ago, pre my diagnosis, to lose himself in alcohol. I think that just as you get to see the kindness and love, sometimes it brings into focus some unfortunate elements of personality. My main worry now is that my kids are seeing their Dad in a different light. Wow! Sorry, that took a dark turn. I think I just needed to get that out. Apologies. Honestly, this is just to say thanks. You have made me feel less isolated and okay. I hope you’re travelling well, and will be enjoying the upcoming Christmas period. I will keep you in my thoughts. 🙏

LindaG
Regular Contributor

Re: First post

Hi Skig53, how old are your kids? Sorry about your husband. That wouldn’t help you and your situation. I hope you can still enjoy your Christmas time with your kids and family. I’m just grateful for every extra day of my life after overcoming cancer and then a heart attack 2 months later!! Oh gosh, just not my time to go yet!  Take care, love and prayers for you 🙏💕. Linda G 

Wegotthis
Frequent Contributor

Re: First post

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Sorry to hear about your health and your husband. 

As a son of a alcoholic it breaks my heart to hear about your husband. My father died on my birthday when he was only 47 years ago. 

He never got to enjoy being a grandfather. 

I'm 55 now and still don't understand his life chooses. But I did learn from them. I finally got to the point in my life where I wasn't afraid to become like him. But I have decided not to drink anymore. It never was a problem for me. I haven't had hard alcoholic in 12 years or any alcoholic since my mom passed 6 years ago. I would love to talk to your husband about how he is going to be remembered by his kids. My father was prefect until he became a drunk.  I struggle with remembering the good side of him.

He became a abuses alcoholic. That how I remember him.

I want my kids and grandchildren to remember me as someone who was always honest, firm and loving. My grandfather once told me all we ever take to our grave is our name. 

But please don't think I'm judging your husband. 

You sound like a awesome woman.  You definitely have a lot going on right now. 

Like Linda I would also like to know how old are your kids? 

I can't imagine going through all you are and having to worry about young children. 

Ill be praying for you. 

Please keep us updated as best you can. 🌹

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