Tay   Sorry to hear that you are worried about having cancer.  When was the last time you had blood work done?  Night sweat and lumps in your armpit is concerning. Do you have icky skin? Have you asked them to do a meddle biopsy?  I could love to see what your white blood cell count is.  I believe I had my cancer for a year because my white blood cells were just .05 for being considered to high.  I did have other signs of having cancer but it never crossed my mind that I could have it..   ... View more

Hey Sliver    Sorry to hear about now many times cancer has effect you and your family.  I have no experience with what your husband treatments are.  I just had my 3rd chemo treatment 3 days ago. This time the side effects are horrible.  Physically and mentally. I'm not myself. I really thought I would get through this without changing how I treat people. Yesterday I hardly said anything to my wife because I was unhappy with myself.  Im really starting to understand why people have bad attitudes dealing with cancer and treatment. I pray that I have hold it together and not take my frustration out on my wife who is doing everything she can to help me.  I hope you find answers to your questions so you can get help for your family.  ... View more

Rin Sorry to hear about your husband 😔  Its only been 8 weeks. I totally understand why you are still crying.  My grandmother has been gone over 20 years and I still can't talk about her without wanting to cry.  There is no time limit on how fast you have to get over the lost of a love one.. I would be unless for a while if I lose my wife.  Sounds like you found a great guy . That's why it hurts so much.    ... View more

Rev Merry Christmas brother... Thanks for commenting on my reply.  Also thanks for reminding me about side effects of the meds that we take.  One of mine is known for causing mood problems. I'm pretty laid back and happy go lucky. I was afraid that I would change. I sat  with my wife and a few people at work and talked about the possibility. The last thing I want is to become a jerk. Thank God it hasn't happened.  I respect you for mentioning that you where/ are a alcoholic. I come from a family that has many alcoholics. My father was a abuse alcoholic . I  was afraid that I would be just like him. I never really enjoyed drinking alcohol. It never became a problem for me.  I did give up hard alcohol 12 years ago. Some reason God put it on my heart not to drink alcohol anymore. So I stopped drinking 6 years ago. I do enjoy non alcohol beer 🙂 My walk with God just started like 12 years ago. My faith in God was sealed during the time we bought my mom home on hospice.  It was a blessing in so many ways.  I know that I have cancer but everything I been through just over 13 months has been the best case scenario.  I probably haven't had a cold for over 10 years. But I hit a wall last year with my health. Funny thing is I woke up one morning with pain in my right shoulder. Long story short. I didn't need surgery but some how I torn my rotator cup. Blood work revealed that I was pre diabetic.  White blood cells count was high. 6 months later I was in pain. Saw my doctor so she could give me a referral to my sport doctor and I showed her a few lumps i found.  Its been crazy every since.  I'm so at peace with all this. I know God is making this one of those best of a bad situation. Even my cancer doctor doesn't understand why I'm doing so well. I feel great and I'm putting on weight. My blood work shows I'm no longer a pre diabetic. My white blood cells count is almost perfect.  My red cells are just under being prefect. The chemotherapy I'm being given nickname is the Red Devil. It's definitely not living up to its name.  Sadly I feel guilty because I'm doing so well.  Why is God protecting me!!!  Why did we just lose a 32 year old young lady from my church to cancer? I have to believe it's because He's expecting me to remind people to praise Him during the time we are walking in a valley. It's easy to praise Him and be thankful when we are floating on a cloud.  I can honestly say I'm thankful that I have cancer. I'm using this to left Him up. This has opened up a  lot of opportunities.  I do have a confusion to make. I suck at praying everyday. I honestly don't understand why I do.    ... View more

Hey my friend  I just commented on your other post.  I understand better of what you are going through because of this post.  3 years of dealing with this is a long time.  I hope I didn't sound too judgmental in my other comment. I can't say I understand what you are going through. I'm very fortunate that my side effects are not anything like yours.  Like Linda mentioned you should be asking your health team to see if there is something they can give you to help control the pain.  Have you or can you try smoking medicine weed. I had a prescription many years ago because it became illegal to smoke it. But because of being involved in children ministry I felt convinced that it was wrong. I was going to use it to help me sleep better.  How that I have cancer I would definitely thank about it if I thought it would help.  I would step down for children ministry just because I believe it's the right thing to do.  Unfortunately if I was to choose to use it it also means I would have to break a federal law . As a follower of Chirs I  struggle with that...  ... View more

KD   Thanks for your reply to my questions.  You have my respect for have been a nurse. I have a few nurses in my family but I have meet many in the last few months. One nurse went through cancer and lost her husband during her treatment. I meet her while waiting to get my port put in. She was amazing. I asked how she got through through the lost of her husband. She mentioned that she loved to go to the gym  She goes to the same gym that i work for. Small world.  I have painted many pickle ball courts over the last few years 😀 My wife and I have only been together for a little over 20 years. I guess because we raised 4 kids and have grandchildren that it feels like we been together for ever. I don't deserve her. When she gets moody I just blame it on her being a female. I'm sure it's not my fault 🤪 ... View more

Reveren  Sorry to hear about your struggles.  Im sure its safe to say you believe in God. I'm a follower of Chirs. I know He is in control of my situation. If its His well I will be healed.  The last few days I been getting painful headaches.  I never get headaches 😩.  I think last night I was moaning loud enough that my wife could hear me . Its a long story but I know God's plan for my life. 12 years ago I went to pre marriage counseling with my wife and her pastor.  I told my wife after our wedding I would never attend church. Funny how God changed my heart. I'm now head of children ministry and security at our church.  I have been a father for over 35 years. I screwed up my first marriage. But think God for getting me the wife I have and a purpose.  This is my walk so please don't feel like I'm judging you.  My purpose in life is to sever God. He has given me a heart that loves helping people.  My kids and grandchildren has served alongside me. They have seen me praise God because we have been very blessed with things we don't deserve.  We have lost 5 young adults in our family. They were the same age as our oldest son.  As the head of my family my job was to help my family try to understand why God would let bad things happen.  Easier said than done when it happens to other people.  How that I have lymphoma cancer it's time for me to walk my talk. I tell my family I'm very thankful that I'm the one with cancer. Not my wife or children.  My wife and family is watching me closely. How I react is going to be a life experience.  I don't never complain about any of this cancer stuff and inconvenience. Yes at times I feel bad. I lost my hair on my head. I no longer have facial hair. Sometimes I feel like throwing up. My armpit where they removed a few lumps hurts. But these are reminder that I'm still alive. If I die from cancer or a car accident I want my family to remember me as a man who trusted God and understood that I used cancer to praise God for allowing me to live 55 years and allowing me to be a grandfather. You still have time to change things with your wife. If you really feel that she is tried of your complaining then stop . She may be feeling helpless. Again I'm not judging. But why would you want to put her through more than she has to. As a husband I feel it's our job to protect your wife from anything. If you see her as a gift from God like I do my wife you will put her before yourself. I kills me knowing my wife is worried that I may not be here because of cancer. I  have no control of how she handles this  But I have control of how I react .If I die tomorrow I want the last thing my wife to  hears or see me do was something positive.  Trust God no matter what the outcome is. Be thankful that you have cancer.   How would you feel if it was your wife that had it. I know this is selfish but I pray to God that I die atlases a day before my wife. She is amazing and I couldn't handle watching her go through cancer and treatment.  Thank God I have cancer 🌹 ... View more

Alf   Glad to hear that you are doing well.  Its funny how this cancer stuff gets us twisted up inside sometimes. I'm pretty hard core. There are times my wife just wishes I would express more emotions . I think she doesn't realize that when I see or hear about a problem I don't get emotional because I go straight to thinking about a way to fit it. With cancer sometimes it's out of our control. I have 4 doctor visit next week. I'm waiting to get another PET scan to see if the tumors in my chest has gotten smaller and to see if the treatment is causing problems to my heart and lungs.  I'm to busy enjoying life to worry about things I have no control over. I do everything my health team has asked. Almost 😀 Waiting is just part of life now. I can't wait until the last treatment. It should be middle of February. I can't wait to get the port out of my chest. I can't wait to find out if the treatment works. I can't wait for the first year that I'm cancer free.  But there are many things I can control and now I react to things as they happen.    The OP mentioned that he couldn't afford to go to a private doctor. I totally understand not being able to afford doing what my be the best thing to do. I was advised to take 6 months off of work because I have a weakened immune system and treatment is making it worse. My company pays 58% of my health care. Half of my disability check would go to paying for it. I can't really afford it. Heck I'm already missing two days a month because of doctor visits and treatment. But I also love working. Right now it helps me forget about my health and its a good place to be a positive role model to young adults . I have today off with pay but I'm wanting to go to work 🤪 I'm really curious if we will ever feel like our old self afterwards. I had 2 lumps removed from my armpit months ago. I know they are gone but my arm doesn't feel 100%. Crazy!!! ... View more

Bear   Sorry to hear that your treatment isn't helping.  Don't give up. There are other meds that they could use.  My treatment involves a mild chemo. My doctor has informed me that there is a chance that my cancer may not respond well to the meds she's using and if it doesn't she will use some that are more aggressive.  I have a blood cancer. She's trying to keep me healthy while killing the cancer. So far I have been able to live a moral life.  Have you spoke to your doctor to see what will happen next.  I have a cousin who has gone through 3 treatments for breast cancer in 4 years.  She's very positive and happy still . I think the hardest part of having cancer is staying positive. Heck I broke down and almost cried in front of my boss because the test and images weren't very favorable for me. They found problems with my heart and lungs. That's one of the reasons I'm getting the chemo that I'm. The wrong treatment could kill me  Please keep us updated on what they plan on doing next..👍   ... View more