Lately I have been feeling weighted down by a feeling of guilt that I am struggling to understand and even properly identify. My mother died of cancer 8 years ago now and ever since then I’ve had this feeling of guilt related to my father. It comes and goes, sometimes is overwhelming. I don’t exactly feel like there is anything I should have done, should be doing, nor do I feel guilty about anything specific I did do etc. I guess it’s this weird guilt that isn’t tied to any one thing. I’ve always been helpful and a good daughter. Both my parents relied on me for many things and I know they always felt supported. My father and I have an amazing relationship - very open with communication, and we spend a lot of quality time together. This makes the guilt feeling so much more confusing and heavy. I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this? It’s almost like I feel like he is my responsibility (to “fix” or to make happy again) and I am failing because I can’t bring her back for him. Yet I know that is impossible and irrational. For background: my father is very self sufficient. He and my mother never adhered to gender roles or anything like that, so he is completely competent with taking care of himself and being independent. He has friends, a social life, a job he loves and is in relatively good health.
I suppose I am venting and also wondering if anyone out there has experienced some complicated guilt in their grief journey.
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