Hello all,
My name is Gillian (Gill). I lost my husband in late January this year to stomach cancer. It was a total shock, he was healthy, didn't smoke, exercised, had a good diet and no family history - apparently none of this mattered. We had a 14 month battle where we through everything at this sucker. Chemo, radio, alkaline - gluten free diet, intravenous vitamin C, juices, raw foods etc. etc. - this was one aggressive cancer. I watched my strong and fearless husband fade away to a shadow of his former self. We have two children, Charlotte (6) and Tate (5). They are doing really well and most of the time so am I. I really don't know why I have joined this group or what I am hoping to get out of it, I guess the nights are just lonely and quiet without my mate.
I still haven't sorted out any of his stuff. I have managed to throw away some medications and that is about it. His clothes, shoes, hankies and everything are just where he left them. I feel like I haven't really grieved. I am back at work, the kids are at school and I soldier on with my wall up around me. I rarely cry but frequently feel gripped by loss and sadness. I have many friends who ask me how I am, I am always "fine", I don't know how to be anything else. But I am not fine, but I am afraid if I let the wall down it will hurt too much and be too real.
I have now cried more writing this than I have over the last few months. Not sure whether I need to go and talk with someone and whether my little girl needs too as well. She is quite anxious and has significant separation anxiety. I am sure this is normal but I don't want to regret not asking for help. Just not sure we need it, or whether it would help.
Thank you for reading this post.
Gill
