My name is Gillian (Gill). I lost my husband in late January this year to stomach cancer. It was a total shock, he was healthy, didn't smoke, exercised, had a good diet and no family history - apparently none of this mattered. We had a 14 month battle where we through everything at this sucker. Chemo, radio, alkaline - gluten free diet, intravenous vitamin C, juices, raw foods etc. etc. - this was one aggressive cancer. I watched my strong and fearless husband fade away to a shadow of his former self. We have two children, Charlotte (6) and Tate (5). They are doing really well and most of the time so am I. I really don't know why I have joined this group or what I am hoping to get out of it, I guess the nights are just lonely and quiet without my mate.
I still haven't sorted out any of his stuff. I have managed to throw away some medications and that is about it. His clothes, shoes, hankies and everything are just where he left them. I feel like I haven't really grieved. I am back at work, the kids are at school and I soldier on with my wall up around me. I rarely cry but frequently feel gripped by loss and sadness. I have many friends who ask me how I am, I am always "fine", I don't know how to be anything else. But I am not fine, but I am afraid if I let the wall down it will hurt too much and be too real.
I have now cried more writing this than I have over the last few months. Not sure whether I need to go and talk with someone and whether my little girl needs too as well. She is quite anxious and has significant separation anxiety. I am sure this is normal but I don't want to regret not asking for help. Just not sure we need it, or whether it would help.
Thank you for reading this post.
... View more
My name is Gillian (Gill). I lost my husband to stomach cancer in January this year. He was 40. We had a 14 month battle where we tried everything but unfortunately lost the fight. We have two children, Charlotte (6) and Tate (5). I am not sure why I am posting or what I am looking for - there is a loneliness that sets in at night which I am sure others can understand. I have plenty of friends who would come around for a chat. None of these replace my best friend, my mate, who I didn't need to talk to but was always there. That part of my life is missing, I know I can't replace him and I don't want to. I am not sure I have even grieved him going yet. I think the wall is still up - I still feel like I am talking about someone else's life. I am not sure I am ready to face the reality or the pain.
Thanks for reading, Gill.
... View more
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.