My name is Gillian (Gill). I lost my husband in late January this year to stomach cancer. It was a total shock, he was healthy, didn't smoke, exercised, had a good diet and no family history - apparently none of this mattered. We had a 14 month battle where we through everything at this sucker. Chemo, radio, alkaline - gluten free diet, intravenous vitamin C, juices, raw foods etc. etc. - this was one aggressive cancer. I watched my strong and fearless husband fade away to a shadow of his former self. We have two children, Charlotte (6) and Tate (5). They are doing really well and most of the time so am I. I really don't know why I have joined this group or what I am hoping to get out of it, I guess the nights are just lonely and quiet without my mate.
I still haven't sorted out any of his stuff. I have managed to throw away some medications and that is about it. His clothes, shoes, hankies and everything are just where he left them. I feel like I haven't really grieved. I am back at work, the kids are at school and I soldier on with my wall up around me. I rarely cry but frequently feel gripped by loss and sadness. I have many friends who ask me how I am, I am always "fine", I don't know how to be anything else. But I am not fine, but I am afraid if I let the wall down it will hurt too much and be too real.
I have now cried more writing this than I have over the last few months. Not sure whether I need to go and talk with someone and whether my little girl needs too as well. She is quite anxious and has significant separation anxiety. I am sure this is normal but I don't want to regret not asking for help. Just not sure we need it, or whether it would help.
Thank you for reading this post.
Wow Gill , that post really hit home. I'm in a similar position to your husband but my battle has just begun. I am not really sure what to write that would make sense, other than to say he would be happy to know you are expressing your thoughts and emotions. Be there for your children and live your life as you should, never forget him but never waste a day.
I hope this makes sense, remember you are not alone...
I'm happy for you that you have found this site.
In here, you don't have to be 'fine'. You can vent your frustrations, celebrate your memories and ask for support from people who understand what you have been through and what may lay ahead.
If you think you or your children might benefit from talking with someone, the Cancer Council may be able to put you in touch with a councillor who specialises in cancer related issues in your area.
Take each day as it comes and deal with things at your own pace. Dont be concerned if you are not ready to put things away. You will wake up one morning and just do it because you have allowed yourself time to process what has happened and you are ready to move to the next phase of your life.
I lost my mother to cancer when I was 20, and dealt with my own diagnosis in 2011. There is a lot of support out here for you. All you need to do is ask.
Take care Gill. Best wishes to you and your children.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.