Lost my mum to lung cancer

[Kt77]

I'm new to this site but feeling a little lost and was hoping to connect with others that may have similar stories. My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer 3 months ago. It had pretty much spread everywhere including her brain. She became really unwell after 2 cycles of chemo. She passed away on the 1st of November. It's still hard to believe she's gone. She was a non smoker and was only 67 years old. I'm only 36 years of age and only became a new mum in February this year. There's never a good time to lose a loved one but I'm feeling a littler ripped off losing my mum at this stage of my life:-( You always hear about cancer but its such a horrible disease and knocks you for six when it affects you personally.

[melbourneboybor]

Hi KT Sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like perhaps you and your Mum were close? It's tough to get a diagnosis of Lung Cancer... or any other particular cancer at all really, but with any cancer diagnosis, it's completely natural to have a first reaction "Why Mom"... and even yourself, as a carer, "Why Me". "She didn't smoke... Lung Cancer is a smokers problem. Surely this isn't happening". We can feel cheated in some sort of way. And simple... I'll say it... sometime's its just not fair. But coming to terms with life and death we have to realize that really, Cancer is completely indiscriminate for age/sex/size and shape and that too often - it takes the very people we love and care for too early. KT...My name is John and my father has recently been diagnosed with an aggressive prostate cancer which we believe has metastasised in his bones. He is 62 years old and the doctors have given him between 12 months and 5 years as a worst/best case scenario. So,like what you have been going through in the past 3 months - I too am experiencing this right now... The pain, the anticipatory grief, the worry and anxiety... While that might not make it any easier for you, I hope you'll see that like you a few months ago... and for everyone, in some shape or form - it's all a journey for us. We're all here because we care for our loved ones and we are all here because we're affected by Cancer. So... you know all this already... and perhaps I can share some of my thoughts that might help you. I'm 31 and the youngest of my family. My father is 62 in December and it pains me to think that he "owes" me at least another 10 years to be there for my daughter growing up. But the truth is that he likely won't make this. I can be hopeful, inspired and positive - but I can also be realistic. But looking at life in general - It helps me understand that "Tomorrow" isn't promised to no one. Not me, you or anyone going through anyone with Cancer or other serious medical issues. So knowing that tomorrow isn't promised to no one - we each and every day need to learn to truly appreciate what we've got. Sure, we can grieve and mourn for the people we've lost... but we need to fully reflect that we ourselves will one day be in the same position... and that, it's 100% natural. There is some old proverb or saying that lines the walks of a Portugese church, lined with skulls of hundreds if not thousands of people who have lived their lives as we all do. And I can't remember it exactly... but above the skulls that are lying there, it reads something along the lines of "I was what you are. You will become what I am". And for me - this grounds me a little to know that yes, I too will go through this again in my life, perhaps more than I want to... but in some crazy, irrational way... its natural and that we shouldn't be overcome by it. Your mum was 67 years old. You're half that. There has been an eternity before your mum was even born - where you didn't mourn for her. So that to some degree - you can reflect on the great times of her 67 year journey - but don't mourn to much about not being here. We all travel on a path and for some, its shorter than others. It's taken an unbelievable amount of people - all who have lived, loved and lost in their lives to make who you are today... and who your daughter will become. I know its hard... but sometimes, thinking outside the box and being a little philisophical helps :) JR (I've just realized how long this post is... sorry for the big download! All the best and if you want to talk more, I'm just a reply or message away)

[Kt77]

Hi John, Thanks for taking the time to reply to my post. I'm really amazed and inspired by the strength you show in your words. I tried to be strong whilst my mum was still here, just so I wouldn't upset her, but it's really tough now that she's gone. It sounds selfish, and probably is, but I feel cheated out of spending more time with her. We were close, and even more so since I became a mum myself. It's not fair, why our family, maybe I could have done something to stop it from happening...all these thoughts keep swirling in your head. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I totally understand what your going through. No matter what type of cancer it is, it's always hard seeing your loved one go through such a horrible time. You know what's coming, but nothing can really prepare you for losing someone you love. I know in time I will be able to be focus on the happy times with my mum, but at the moment it's just a lot of sadness. Stay strong and make the most of the time you have with your dad. I hope it's the best case scenario and more. Karolina

[n2141116]

Hi Karolina Sorry to hear about you mum - it is very tragic and I completely understand you feeling cheated especially because of your new baby. My dad passed away in September, he was 78 and I am 36. I have seen him deteriate over the past 9 months and I feel that is such a sad part of this disease. You just need to give yourself time and you will as you say focus on all the good memories as time passes. Take care.