My mom was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2020 right before the pandemic started. Nothing could stop this woman, she never stop worked until she physically couldn't do it anymore. In September 2021 they told her that the cancer had metastasized to her liver resulting in liver failure. They gave her a few months to live. She died on December 1, 2021 at home, she was only 51 years old.
I didn't cry and I feel guilty. I knew she was suffering even though she never complained about any pain, not once did she say she felt pain even at the end. I guess I was prepared for her death but it's a weird feeling. We celebrated Christmas and the new year without her and it feels like something is missing. But I'm not sad and I feel like I should be, I just feel I guess longing or even nostalgia for her. But I have to keep moving forward, I have to help my father take care of my 15 year old autistic brother who is surprisingly taking it well. I just needed to get this off my chest, my friends are supportive but we're a bunch of kids in our 20s, I wanted to get this out to people who would get it I guess.
I am of similar age as you and just lost my mother, who was a bit younger than yours. Triple negative, diagnosed 2 years ago. She suffered a lot and so did we. Doctors called us almost 3 months ago and told us she was about to die in the hospital, but she got better and we still went on a holiday trip. Soon after she couldn't walk anymore and was mostly in her bed for the past month. I knew triple negative is a bad cancer but I still hoped for at least 5 years. She never lost faith in god, despite suffering a lot (i haven't ditched religion only out of respect to my mother) I am tired, I know I have to move on but since I lost a grandparent last year as well I just don't view this life thing in a light way at the moment
I think it's totally ok not to cry. The night my mum passed away I was there and I didn't cry - I think I was in shock. I think it takes time for things like this to really sink in, especially if you were really close with the person. I'm finding that because we knew our mum was going to die, we handled it better than if it was say out of nowhere like a car accident or something. It sounds like you and your Dad have your hands full, caring for your brother is probably a good distraction during this sad time.
I hope things get better for you, if you start to get real sad just reach out to your family or friends, it might hit you when you least expect it.
all the best
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