Today is 2 weeks that my Dad passed away. He was diagnosed 8 weeks ago, we had no idea at the time that he had cancer, neither did he. His prognosis was 2-6 weeks to live. We (my mum, myself & 3 sisters) took him home and cared for him. The last few days with him were beyond heartbreaking. I feel like I detached a little “this isn’t Dad” it got me through. After his prognosis we all fell apart, crying, sobbing. I was suffering panic attack and anxiety for weeks. We pulled it together and got through and did such an amazing job caring for him, I’m really proud of my family.
But now since Dad has gone I can’t cry. I haven’t been able to sob or scream like I thought I would. Friends are sobbing for me, they are checking on me and asking am I okay?
I don’t know how to answer. Yes I feel fine?? I don’t like to think about him not being here. I replay the last few weeks through my head but if I think about the future without him my brain just blocks it, I’m literally not able to process it.
Im a wife and mother to 3, I’m also helping my sisters take care of my Mum. I need to stay busy so I can’t think. I distract myself at any chance I get before I start overthinking. I’m going back to work next week as I’ve had the last 10 weeks off.
Why cant I cry? When will it actually hit me? Will I be numb forever. I don’t like to say he’s gone because I don’t believe he is.
I'm sorry for your loss. It's never easy when you lose a loved one. We all grieve differently, but you need to grieve & not hide it away. You may have already done some of your grieving after his prognosis?? I don't know, but it does sound like you need to speak with someone, especially if your mind is blocking out your father's death. Not much good could come of deferring it. Try not to distract yourself from the thought of your father's death, but instead embrace it and see what happens. It sounds like you have a very supportive & caring family around you, so you will have a lot of help when you need it, I think.
I wish you all the best
So sorry to hear about your dad.
It was so sudden from his diagnosis to his passing that you are still trying to process it.
My partner died 7 weeks ago. The days I dont cry I feel guilty as if I should be...
Then out of the blue it happens.
I feel guilty everytime I catch myself laughing with friends.....as if I should be grieving more.
You are so busy with life as a mum..sister and daughter.
Be kind to yourself.
If you aren't crying it doesnt mean you didnt love your dad. Probably like me you can look at photos or videos and they make you feel happy and at peace. Thats ok too.
Sending you a big hug....
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