Hi Everyone Today is 2 weeks that my Dad passed away. He was diagnosed 8 weeks ago, we had no idea at the time that he had cancer, neither did he. His prognosis was 2-6 weeks to live. We (my mum, myself & 3 sisters) took him home and cared for him. The last few days with him were beyond heartbreaking. I feel like I detached a little “this isn’t Dad” it got me through. After his prognosis we all fell apart, crying, sobbing. I was suffering panic attack and anxiety for weeks. We pulled it together and got through and did such an amazing job caring for him, I’m really proud of my family. But now since Dad has gone I can’t cry. I haven’t been able to sob or scream like I thought I would. Friends are sobbing for me, they are checking on me and asking am I okay? I don’t know how to answer. Yes I feel fine?? I don’t like to think about him not being here. I replay the last few weeks through my head but if I think about the future without him my brain just blocks it, I’m literally not able to process it. Im a wife and mother to 3, I’m also helping my sisters take care of my Mum. I need to stay busy so I can’t think. I distract myself at any chance I get before I start overthinking. I’m going back to work next week as I’ve had the last 10 weeks off. Why cant I cry? When will it actually hit me? Will I be numb forever. I don’t like to say he’s gone because I don’t believe he is. Xx
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