Hi Tania10. I hear you. I lost my 34 year old husband to Stage 4 Bowel Cancer last month. He was diagnosed at the beginning of last year. We had a bit of time, but with all the medical appointments, and having to look after our 2 year old, it was harrowing to say the least. As strong as he was, he couldn't win with this. He tried so hard. So even though it's different situations, I feel your pain. I almost feel guilty when I don't cry, but I've spent the last 2 years crying and trying to keep it in at the same time. I'm exhausted. Mentally, physically, spiritually. And I still have my 2 year old to think about. Life just isn't fair. In terms of not crying, don't think about it. Just let whatever comes, to come. I'm learning that grieving is different for everyone. Some people go through the stages in order, others, like me, go through them over and over and over again. Repeatedly. So what's going to come, will come. Just give yourself time to feel it. I get what you mean about keeping busy. It's a coping mechanism. Don't think about it, and you won't get emotional. Maybe that's why you aren't crying. You aren't giving yourself time to reflect, and to grieve like you need to. See if you can get family members to look after the kids for a time, perhaps on a regular basis, and do what you need to to grieve. Hugs to you. ... View more

It just isn't fair is it? One minute, you've found the love of your life, the next, they're just... GONE. I keep dreaming I'll be pranked and he's standing right there with his wonderful cheeky grin, telling me it's all a joke. But it's far from a joke. He's really gone. I just... can't. We barely had time to be happy before he was diagnosed... and it was not long after our daughter was born! And only THEN do we find out it's hereditary! I'm so f-ing rage filled against that particular family member. If they had told us sooner, we could have had tests done sooner! ... View more

My life will never be the same again. I've suffered a lot of loss in my life, and this just takes the cake. I'm so fed up with having loss in my life. But at the same time, I need to learn how to cope. Right now though, I'm letting myself grieve for as long as I need to. Family are available yes, which I'm grateful for, but it's just not the same. I damnwell want my husband back! My baby girl will never get to know her father. Never see him again, hear him again... it's just too painful to think about. ... View more

Hi sch, No we didn't have long.  I'm so angry and confused right now.  I keep thinking that when our daughter grows up and moves away, I'll have nothing left.  This is only temporary.  I'm only here now because of her, and she's keeping me grounded so to speak, but being parted from my husband is hell.  I don't know what to do with myself now.  Plenty of things I CAN do, but nothing I WANT to do.  My daughter is turning 3 soon, so doesn't really know much about what's going on, except that her mummy is crying a lot and there are pictures of daddy around the house when there never used to be.  She knows I'm sad, and misses her daddy but hasn't quite made the link yet.  I fear that day.  I have no idea how to explain this to her in a way she'll absorb and understand.  I don't even know how I'M going to get through this.  I only lost him 10 days ago.  ... View more