It's coming up to what is supposed to be a Merry Xmas however this will be my first one since the loss of my mother earlier in the year.
I've just had a week off work to do xmas shopping and spend some time with my grandfather as we are both struggling leading up to the festivities of xmas. I have managed to just about complete my xmas shopping of which I wasn't originally going to do but thought my mum would not be happy with me for not going forward with everything as if she were here. I have even managed to write all my xmas cards out as well which isn't bad considering I cried with nearly every card I wrote and also with every present I wrapped. I did put my mums name on the presents and cards as just couldn't bear to see my name alone on everything.
The only thing I won't be doing this year is putting up the christmas tree and decorations as this was something mum and I did together.
My next hurdle will be making it through xmas day.
Good for you, it shows real courage and determination to do something like write in christmas cards when it is so deeply painful for you.
I have written a christmas letter each year since our sons were born, but haven't started this years letter yet. I just don't know how to start it and how much I want to say about Greg's cancer.
Most of the people I send it to will know about the diagnosis, but some we haven't heard from since we told them. I feel like cutting them from the list this year. There are some people who we only communicate with at christmas and I'm not sure whether I should do something separate or what. It's all too hard.
I hope that you and your grandfather can find a special way of remembering and honouring your Mum at christmas. Perhaps you can start a new 'tradition' with him. Whatever you do, be extra kind to yourselves, it is going to be so different and difficult this first time without her.
My thoughts are with you.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.