When my mum rang me and told me that she had just been diagnosed with lung cancer, i wanted to run away. She begged me to come up and be with her but i couldnt as yet. i felt guilt about how i felt and reacted to her telling me. When i did eventually get there i was so scared i wasnt helpful at all and my mum was a very independant person. She couldnt sleep much and kept coming out to the lounge and apologised for annoying me, i said dont be silly .
By the next morning she came out of her bedroom, her lips were blue as and she couldnt breath, i called my aunty and an ambulance. And that day, she would never return home again.
I had done some research on stage 4 lung cancer and it wasnt good it had spread to other places. Mum asked my how long did i think she had. I said maybe 8 weeks, but that prediction was so wrong. By the 2nd of Feburary 2019, the doctors told her she was dying. I remember her reaction. She just stared at the doctor like he wasnt there. The was she reacted was that she had come to terms that she was dying and she was ready to go.
Our family is small, myself 2 brothers , my kids , there kids and mums sister and her dad, her mum was in a nursing home and couldnt come. the night before she died, she started to confront me with something i had done witch she didnt like and i stated that i thought we had dealt with that issue but she kept on going on about it, i started to shout and by the end i wallked out with my family yelling at me. i couldnt go back in there so i went for a quick walk and came back a few hours had passed and she wasnt co-herant anymore. the one thing i saw that was utterly disturbing was my sister inlaw suctioning the saliva out of mums mouth. I lost it and asked to speak to a nurse. We we talking and something dawned on me and i told the nurse to take mum off the oxygen. she no longer needed it.
i went to the chapel for a break and within 10 minutes my son rang and told me mum had passed. To this day i never got to tell her sorry and that i loved her. I dont understand why we let our loved ones go through such a horrific way to die when we put our pets down in a much more humaine way. i have never gone through anything like that before except my nephew dying a day after birth and i was the only one in melbourne that could get there to be with my sister inlaw. i dont want to die like that.
thankyou for listening just typing it made me cry but it helped a lot thankyou
