I lost my beautiful Mum 2 months ago from bowel cancer.. although Mum was diagnosed 4.5 years ago (stage 4 with metastasise to lung and peritoneal) I never ever allowed myself to to think she would die. 10 weeks before Mum died we were told by her oncologist that she had entered her terminal phase... it all happened so suddenly and was such a shock.. I cared for her at home.. but, she didn’t know she was dying. The last few days of her life was just a blur I can’t remember much.
I am not coping with her loss at all. I am 26 and the thought of being without her for the rest of my life is unbearable.. she was an amazing mum and sacrificed so much for me and I have so many regrets.. so many things I could have done better. I don’t feel that life is worth continuing.. I am not married or have no kids of my own. I am very depressed, sad and miss her so much.
When I read your situation, it sounded very similar to mine but I'm just a few years older than yourself. I understand where your coming from and Budgie is completely correct. You are never alone and there are other resources which they already suggested that would be perfect for you.
Have you considered looking over old photo albums to help bring you comfort and remember the better times before she was ill? Sometimes the illness can dominant your most recent memories.
Maybe wearing a piece of her jellwery or a item of clothing could bring some form of comfort. E.g. like slippers, a scarf or something similar.
Or sleep with a toy she might of had during the night, to bring smoothness of mind?
Or simply cry and hold something close while you do, sometimes people need to get things out of their chest.
Just read your post and it's so similar to what I'm going through. It's been exactly one month since my mom passed away from stomach cancer and it's been so painful. She was only 58 and the healthiest person I've ever known. I'm 25 and during my whole life she's been my one and only best friend. The relationship we had was so close and it's so hard to think that I'm not going to see her anymore. Thoughts of regret come and go daily, I wonder if I could have done things differently to make her feel better or if I could have been a better daughter to her. I have tried to do painting as a hobby as it has distracted me. However, I think it's time now for me to stop keeping all of these feelings inside and actually seek for a professional's advise as I can't cope with this on my own. I don't actually have an advise for you but I think it should be good for you to talk to someone that can actually guide you through all of this and even though she's not with you, her love for you will never fade away
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