Hi Misery Guts
If you are putting left over wool and anxiety to work, do you have red and green. I have a good feeling the rabitohs will bounce back next year. It maybe time for preorders. 🏉🏉🏉🏉🏉
I'm like you. Expecting to bounce back to normal, but haven't forgot I have a new normal. Last cycle of chemo (Yay! 🥳), but the oncologist reminded me of the ongoing tests over the coming years to make sure the treatment was successful. I am still uncertain of ongoing bowel issues I'll have. It seem's I'll be "that guy" for the rest of my life that can't eat what everyone else is having. That's also due to anaphylaxis as well. Part of the aging process I guess, so I can't blame it all on cancer. I just need to consider that this is my journey and I'll have to play the cards life has dealt me.
No matter how bad it seems, I still pick up my guitar and belt out some tunes. It's not pretty. The chemo has killed my throat again, so another 2 weeks before I can sing reasonably. It also kills my finger sensitivity and they are twitching really bad this time, so playing is poor. And the strings are cold so my fingers go from numb, to sharp pins and needles, to pain, to cramping. But I still continue to play and sing, although some would debate that from an audience's perspective . Music is it's own disease. I have to do it regardless. 🎸🎵🎶🎵🎶
As for the family, I did have the opposite point of view a while ago. I guess similar to your family. Treat things as normal. Perhaps they deal with it easier thinking you are back to normal. I've learnt a lot from this website and communication is one of them. You might be doing this well already, but they are just not hearing it. Let them know you are still recovering and need their support instead. I've actually been trying to fight my chemo and still be as normal as possible, but today, my youngest was supposed to be home looking after me. She decided to hang out with friends late and then her car broke down on the other side of Canberra. So off to the rescue between chemo crashes. Fortunately I had a window of low fatigue to pull it off, much like now, being awake in the middle of the night for hours. I guess what it comes down to, I was okay to try to be normal and do normal things, but I wasn't prepared to be forced into rescuing someone in the dark on a chilly Canberra evening on the other side of town, when she should have been looking after me. I guess I need to practice this myself, but so do you. Say "No". Shit happens. Somebody has a problem and needs grandparental help. Others are suffering from cancer treatment. The balance of shit distributions is a little skewed and others need to see that. Say it with me... "No". In fact, you should put a button on it by sending the kids out to buy you some more red and green wool because you are still recovering from cancer treatment. Now that I've raised it, I can see that Sch and KitKate are going to want a rabitohs scarf as well. Don't worry about Ginger... Victorian football I'm sure. No use catering for the minority.
Nice to know you have an olive tree too. Something else we all seem to have in common.
I have the chocolate and vanilla fortisip. I don't mind them. I've been eating heaps leading into this last cycle so my weight is over 90kg. I've been trying to carb load and I've been exercising more, so it's not all bad weight. As far as muscle is concerned, I wasted away and I get exhausted easily. Last weekend, it took me two days to cut the rusty floor out of my trailer. Should have been half a day. It's the first big outside job I've done since surgery apart from a little gardening. In a couple of weeks, I can clean up the frame and weld the new floor in. I'll let chemo have it's wicked way with my body first. Hopefully I can keep my strength up with some regular exercise and burn off a little newly acquired flab. My loss of appetite is starting to kick in, but I'm at the heaviest I've been since surgery, so I think I have enough reserve to build some muscle and survive a poor dietary intake period. I still have my chocolate and vanilla fortisip to get me through 😁
I hope my post is up to scratch with your epic posts. I've been a bit lazy on the forum lately, but it's a good sign. It means I am being active and keeping busy. I have more time to come back to the forum when I'm laid up... or wide awake in the middle of the night, although it's dawn now. "Good Morning" 🌞
I offer you a masterpiece. It offers some advice on simple ways of dealing with life's challenge. Probably drug induced, but no judgement. Strawberry fields forever. There is an amazing story about this song. John Lennon had two versions of it in different keys because of the instruments that were used. He wanted to combine them into one. So one version was played slower to bring it into key with the other version and it also aligned the tempo of the two versions very closely. You can hear how John's voice sounds slower in the latter verses.
I like this verse.
"No one I think is in my tree
I mean it must be high or low
That is you can't, you know, tune in
But it's all right
That is, I think, it's not too bad"
Take care Lampwork. I hope you find some normal somewhere. Perhaps in some red and green glass beads 😁
I leave you with this one final thought. How can you tell when a cancer patient is terminal??? They use their Visa card more often than their hospital parking pass.
Whether a fighter or whether a dancer
It really sucks to be burdened with cancer
To know we'll be sick and eventually dead
With luck, we'll be struck by a bus instead
This blury pre-shave photo followed an exhaustive trim. Fat thumbs. It was actually an accidental selfie while in hospital absorbing a bag of Oxaliplatin into my left arm... You know... for good health.
I don't have a recent selfie of my clean shaven face. I might do one later today and see if I can hide my pale face and baggy eyes. I might need some professional photoshopping.
Hi all of you amazing people
(#Addresses the whole group)… My name is Carolyn and I’m a chocolate addict… oh yeah and I also have cancer. This may possibly cause huge offence to all, but I don’t really like cheese much (but my daughter is addicted to the stuff, so I feel she makes up for both of us?).
I will come clean and confess I have been following your epic number of posted pages over my cancer journey. I was attracted to Claire’s first post because I also have/had/maybe still have(??) Endometrial cancer. I had no idea what to expect with my cancer journey as you’re given so little information and jumped on the Cancer Council website in search of information.
Thank you for all the information you have shared and the ‘realness” – your good days and bad days, they’ve helped me have realistic expectations and helped me cope better with the anxiety of the “unknown” road I’m on.
I had my surgery 4 weeks ago and like Claire have been thrown into menopause with the removal of my uterus/tubes/ovaries/cervix/appendix (why did I whine so much about periods before cos night sweats and hot flushes are the pits!). I’ve got the lumpy injection map on my stomach that’s decided its been stabbed with a needle enough – how do diabetics deal with this? My so called simple keyhole surgery ended up not so simple as I also had an unexpected tumour in my ovary that had spread to appendix and into the fat tissue of my abdomen (who said being chubby is bad because it saved my bladder and bowel!...taking the positive here :P). So I’m off to start my chemo journey this week and will have 6 cycles. Part of my therapy, similar to Lampwork’s knitting, is crocheting … my family are getting sick of all the hats I keep making, but ironically it will be helpful when I have no hair in a few weeks’ time 🐵
I feel like my head space at this stage is good, in part because of everything you have all shared. I’m armed with the recipes for health shakes, I understand there’s days I’m gonna feel like crap and my fingers and feet will also be numb, but these will pass. Most importantly, you have all showed me to keep moving with your life; garden, dance, sing, laugh and love, the cancer is a just a for now thing.
Maybe you didn’t realise it when you began your posting journey that you could profoundly affect others? So, just thank you.
PS I’ll send you all some sunshine – I moved up from VIC to NSW in July so I didn’t get to suffer the cold and rain of winter this year. It’s funny how much you appreciate a sunny warm day after living in VIC.. and not having to have flannelette sheets on the bed in October!
Welcome to the North! Since you are on this side of the border, you too will need a rabitohs scarf for next year so get your preorder in. And since you are doing hats, better send someone down to the shops for some red and green wool. Just check with Lampwork to make sure the shades match.
You'll also need an olive tree.
I suppose you think chocolate is a suitable replacement for cheese. It's not true. They sit side by side on the decadence and indulgence scale. You can not have one without the other. Now... I am telling you this because it is so important for recovery of cancer treatment. Not the cancer itself, that's the doctor's job. It is essential for battling the depression, pain, anxiety, etc, etc, etc... that those life saving angels cause you. So run up to IGA (or send a non-cancer-inflicted family member) to find a jar of Portugal style fetta and add liberally to a leafy smoked salmon salad. Then you'll need a nice fresh parmesan cheese grated on creamy bacon and mushroom ravioli. But don't overdo it with the pasta. To finish, you'll need a small round of camembert. Cut the top off and put it in the microwave, watching for it to melt. Put liberal dab of cranberry sauce and a sprig of mint leaf on the top. This is where you can overdo it. Go right ahead.
Most importantly.... don't share it. This is part of your training to turn you into a cheese enthusiast and help you achieve balance. Once you you have balance, you could die the next day and not care. Actually not true... still lots of chocolate and cheese in the world to eat and you wouldn't want to miss out.
I also must insist you post a photo of your dog(s), as dogs do cure cancer... Just with their cute faces and big brown eyes... or blue in this case. This is my Bonnie.
So congratulations on discovering you had cancer. Best to find it than not. On the other hand it really sucks you had it is the first place, as we all can attest to on this forum. I am glad this thread has been inspiring for you. I have drawn so much strength from this amazing group of people. Please keep reading and keep this important fact in mind... we are going for the record, although not really clear what that is or if we have passed it. But any contributions will surely help us hit that imaginary, uncertain, fabled goal.
Take care. I hope your recovery is smooth and complication free.
P.S. Chemo sucks balls.
Thanks for the warm welcome! Have the Rabbito’s signed you up as a social influencer??? How can I explain to the Dragon supporters in the house why the white strip is now green without being disowned? They are feeling a bit sensitive about the crap season...
That was a real cheese smorgasbord you outlined, I reckon I can commit to a cheese and tomato toastie, will that be acceptable? Oh I can also make a baked New York cheesecake, a chocolate version mmmmmm (chocolatey chocolate goodness). You’re right, cheese and chocolate do go together! Maybe you should see if Maccas will do a cheese sundae with some chocolate fudge sauce?
This was my beautiful girl Lilly, a Shih tzu X. She made it to 16years old and was my best bud. She slept with a teddy bear in her mouth and snored like an old man. I miss her like crazy.
I looked after my daughters cat Leo for about 6mths – having a cat for the first time was a culture shock. Leo either loved you or hated you at any given moment (largely related to how hungry he was). Posting some funny pics of him catching a rare sunny day in Melbourne - I thought he had carked it.
Hope all is going well with your ball sucking chemo! I dont have balls (or ovaries), I wonder what the female version of that is? My first round starts wednesday - did you find there were foods you couldnt stand initially after treatment and ones that you handled better?
Good morning Carolyn
You are welcome for the warm welcome. Warm it is in NSW. Except for that mountainous region around Canberra, although making a liar out of me at the moment.
I can see you are still new to cancer and the related journey antics you must both endure and force upon your loved ones. How do you explain the green stripe? Easy!!! I have cancer dummies!!! The family will just think you are sicker that you were before. The sympathy will start to pour. They might give you sympathy foot rubs, do sympathy washing the dishes. May even taken your deluded green striped arse to a sympathy Rabitohs game. Loved ones are great... Are you hearing me Lampwork? The kids need to come over and give you a footrub. And stock up your red and green wool. 🏉🏉🏉🏉🏉
On the subject of 🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀
I think you are getting the point. Baby steps a good. Fighting cancer is a journey. Plenty of time to let it build, but be careful not to tip the scale too far. Chocolate is important too. I can see you are a great visionary with the cheese cake idea. This is a new kind of wickedness I am yet to experience. Welcome once again to the forum. 🥮🥮🥮🥮🥮🥮🥮
As for the Sundae (i've been spelling it wrong, it's not a Sunday. Doh!), i'm going to leave all commentary to Claire. I thought about it, but this is her wheel house. But I think you neglected the most important flavour to send her to the moon.
Lilly is a cutie, but I'm sure my Lucy could have beaten her in a snore off at 10 paces. She's a freak. Sleeps with eyes open. Snores like a t-rex. This is Lucy and Sally. Not spoilt. Not at all. Really! Really, really! Ok... yes.
Here is a photo of my cat...
These are all the photo's I have of my cat...
And here are the photo's of all my other cats...
As you can see, all my cats are suffering from invisibility or absence. Unfortunately there is no cure.
Tell me about your chemo? I started 5 weeks after surgery. Fortunately half treatment of what they initially told me, but hopefully enough to do the job. I started on a Wednesday to. Stick a cannula in my arm around lunch time for a bag of Oxaliplatin, then two weeks of oral Capecitabine, followed by a weeks rest.
Cycle 1 was tough because I was dealing with the initial shock and antibiotics from a tooth infection. I soldiered through. I should have cried out for help in that first round.
Cycle 2 was tough. Oxaliplatin was more bareable but the Capecitabine put me in hospital after 7 days. I was starting to pass out from dehydration. Too much soldiering. Went to the big house (hospital). Stopped treatment early and gave me an additional recovery week before continuing.
Cycle 3 was tough. Oxaliplatin was unbearable. Capecitabine reduced to 3/4 dose, but run into similar issues. Stopped soldiering early (big house again). I think I jumped the gun a little early this time, but as it turned out, not by too much.
Cycle 4 (last one) - Oxaliplatin delivered over slower period to reduce shock which worked, but the symptoms much stronger. At least the warmer weather is helping. Capecitabine is now half dosage. I can feel the Capecitabine taking it's toll but so far it is under control. Really hoping to stay out of the big house this time around. Another 8 days to go, then I can just wait for the symptoms to drain away with my toxins.
In a nutshell (pun intended), chemo sucks balls. Not mine, not yours (which kind of resemble my cat(s)), but probably Eric Cartman's. That is the voice I here when I call my catch cry. The hardest part I have dealing with it is knowing I'm taking a drug to hurt me, so it can help me. It beats me around the logical senses a little too much. I've had a tough time dealing with anxiety before each treatment. I just keep losing grip on the positive thoughts. It's been my greatest battle, probably more than the shock of learning about cancer in the first place. Fingers crossed, I've crossed the bridge for the last time.
I've been finding lot's of support from others and getting details on their chemo experience. The big positive is that my journey will not be yours. No one has been able to describe mine, but I still feel I've gotten off light. So hopefully my journey doesn't frighten you. It's different for everyone and you need to have your faith in the path they put you on.
I'd like to be more supportive with your lead up to chemo, but I couldn't manage to be supportive for myself. However, I wish you all the best for tomorrow and your first treatment. I'll check in on you. Keep a stiff upper lip and follow all the rules from your chemo education. Most importantly, don't forget to ask for help from those around you. Put your indendence and pride in a little box and take them back out when chemo stops beating you around the football field like a team without a green stripe.
Go the Rabitohs!
P.S. don't forget to play the cancer card for that foot rub. Tell them to use the moo goo
Your chemo journey sounds like its own kind of special hell. Congratulations because you endured and the end is now in sight! I can hear Beyonce singing for you “I’m a survivor, I’m gonna make it, keep on survivin”
Ive already decided that on the last bag of poison they pump into me I’m gonna make them write on the bag “Yippee Ki Ya Motherf#ker!!” (Bruce Willis, Die Hard)
Thank you for the advice on letting others help. I’m a stubborn ass, hugely independent and that’s a big challenge to fight with my brain – that its ok to need help. I have 3 amazing daughters, just as stubborn and independent, so that’s had some fun moments (I lost every battle lol). Ive got buckelys of getting a foot rub because I have really big feet (if you painted them green they would resemble Shrek’s) My girls refer to them as “hoof feet”.. there's some things you just don’t make them do without paying a big price later… I can hear them now “Hey mum, remember that time you had cancer and you made us rub your disgusting hooves…”
Lucy and Sally are beautiful! I would say the same about your cats but they really didn’t give off any personality at all. You wouldn’t think something so small and cute could snore so hard they suck in the curtains.
Had surgery 4.5 weeks ago. My chemo treatment is Paklitaxel and Carboplatin (different to your poisons?), one day every 3 weeks, 6 rounds of treatment. From mildest to hard core chemo treatments, its meant to be in the middle? I think my big fear related to this is that like you, I’ve had some anaphylactic reactions to medications (penicillin – in May, and an anti-nausea drug straight after my surgery). My immune system is being a douche bag. I used to brag that I ate so much dirt as a kid that my immune system was mighty and I’ve barely ever been sick… til now
I haven’t done the education class yet, that’s meant to be on Thursday. Ive woken up with a snotty nose today and possibly a head cold brewing (shitty timing, haven’t had a cold all year!), will get assessed tomorrow if it can go ahead as planned.
Now the footy season is over, you need to concentrate on another sport, so instead of red and green wool, I’ll get some yellow and green for the Aussie cricket team! The whole ball tampering scandal has died down and I can look at David Warner without jeering (sucked in on all those ducks he scored in England though…). What do u think? Aussie Aussie Aussie!!!
Finally, a silly for all the cheese lovers…
Haven't posted for while but had to tell you a new story. Some of you will remember from a previous post that we'd sold our business this time last year. The company we sold it to, went into voluntary dissolution last Wednesday. Our contract was for minimal payment up from and balance in September of this year. This meant that we could lose our house as it was the security for our business loan that had not been paid out yet. It has been a very stressful week. Lawyers, staff and accountant meetings. I felt sick, worried and really nervous about what was going to happen. Weak as still have no appetite and eating difficult. Yesterday, I told myself that I have overcome a great deal in the past few months and this was not going to beat me. My daughter had told me before surgery just to keep telling yourself that it will be all over by lunch time - or dinner time - whatever suits. This helped me. Last night I prepared our figures, sales and projections for 2020 determined to go in strong. When I told my son what I was asking for as our starting price in negotiations, he told me I might as well ask for a magical unicorn to run the business! Today, Wednesday, we had a great meeting with a potential buyer. Gave him my opening price and he accepted it. Thought it was a little high but we had said we were willing to negotiate. It was a great meeting that gave us a glimmer of hope that all is not lost yet. On the way home I stopped to buy myself some flowers because I had gone into that meeting strong, confident and willing for things to work out and it seems they will. This is a good, strong buyer with great facilities and space for us to join their business. I was looking for a unicorn to buy my son. Couldn't find one but found this magical fairy because today I made magic and gave us back hope that we can come through this.
Perhaps this journey we've all been on can give us strength for everything we face in the future.
Thanks Budgie. It's a good fairy and I can get double use out of it by using it at Christmas. A win. My husband's already had feedback from buyer that price is too high but he's still interested and we have had another buyer pop up that wants us to hold on until they get back to us. Also another two buyers but they're on other side of city and not conducive to less travel. My husband has to stay with company that buys for one year but two our kids for as long as they like so closer to home is better.
On a side note - company that bought us was in Port Melbourne. They then decided to move to Laverton. As our business stills gets the toll invoice for just our two kids' cars - $635 in one month. Ludicrous amount of travel and very expensive!
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