Grappling with reality

[mensana]

Good news, the temporary phone link has just got restored and the hospital managed to get through to say they'd booked me in for a PET scan next week. The biopsy results were probably not in my favour.  So, not being able to contact me, that'll be why they set up the PET scan. After that I guess we'll be looking at how to go forward.

It's still only the beginning but I plan to be tough as long as I can. It's all you can do. And if I'm still in denial, that's OK too. There's so much needing doing, I dread the thought of being incapacitated.

[Budgie]

You'd be amazed at what the human body/mind can put up with. It's all a matter of attitude.

Budgie

[mensana]

Thanks Budgie, that's certainly true. Had a bout of cancer a number of years back. Settling into the current situation I've begun to look at how things went before (obviously well) That time I wrote up a bit of a journal detailing what happened, how I felt, how I was coping, etc. It's quite long, but it might be okay to put it in the blog section here. Someone might find it interesting how things affect people and how some respond. Or else, on nights they're having trouble sleeping, help get them to sleep, LOL.

[Budgie]

Great idea to post your journal. 😉

[mensana]

Well, got the PET scan done, and didn't have to go to Adelaide for it. They have their own "doughnut" here. Yesterday was result time. The doctor was very nice. Said she was the respiratory specialist's off sider and was tasked with doing all the research on my case. She knew EVERYTHING about me and was pleased to finally meet the person. I didn't know what to make of that as it came out so fast. Felt a bit of an anxious twinge and got worried there was a **bleep** developing in my 'denial armour'.

The biopsy done during the bronchoscopy showed it was cancer. I think the doctor said adenocarcinoma but a bit hard to remember now as there was a fair bit running through my mind. The PET scan didn't pick up anything outside the lungs. She said there was going to be a medical team helping me through this. They needed to do pulmonary function tests as well as a CT brain scan. That last one puzzled me. Jokingly said you won't find much there, and asked why it was needed. Apparently the PET scans don't cover that area so the extra scan it just to make sure.

The specialist came in briefly. He seemed a bit put out when I said I preferred no chemo. He went into a bit of a ramble about how it was different now with different drugs which don't have the old bad after affects. Still said I'd prefer surgery but of course it was still early so time yet to work it all out. That would mean going to Adelaide (Melbourne was another option but I said Adelaide).  When I chipped in that if my GP hadn't played it down three years ago this could have all been done back then. He immediately jumped in saying nothing would have been picked up back then.  The same persistent cough has been there all this time but he said there would have been something different causing it then (sounded a lot like my GP).  The specialist didn't seem to like me making choices and having opinions. From his grumblings I got the impression he wanted me to take a back seat and accept whatever was decided for me.

Soon it was just the specialist's offsider and me. She was ringing around trying to get the lung and brain tests organised ASAP. So that is now booked in for next week. Time spent in Adelaide would be about two weeks. Then about six weeks of recovery unable to do any hard work.

It's never a good time of year to be laid up. So many things needing doing. You try to live your life working through certain  plans but then distractions come along trying to push you off course. But, it is what it is. About the only certain thing in life is that there is no certainty.

[mensana]

Drove to the hospital this morning and had the brain scan done. They took a couple of images before giving me the iodine dye and then a couple more after the iodine. The whole procedure was quite quick.

Thursday should get the pulmonary function test done and then that's all the information that's needed, apparently. Soon it will all be down to business sorting out how we move forward. I seem to be succeeding in dulling my emotions (so far). Can't see the sense in worrying about it, there'll be time enough for that later. Meantime, I feel quite comfortable in my little 'cone of denial'.😎

[mensana]

Today went in to get my lung evaluation. The last test before decision time. I blew (excuse the pun) some of the tests as I found them tricky to do but also they made me want to cough. Suppressing the cough, not always successfully, often stuffed up the test. My blood/oxygen level was checked and it was good. Also checked haemoglobin and that was good. Apparently test results take about a week. More waiting. I'm not getting any younger, the cancer's not getting any smaller, and my patience is wearing a bit thin.

During the week I did what was possibly a bad thing. I checked out Dr Google on the timeline for lung cancer. Not a happy story. It did confirm the cancer should have been detected some years ago, my symptoms were classic. It makes what the specialist said to me worrisome. Also checked mental health. Well, in the timeline they strongly suggested doing that and gave a link to information. On that count I'm doing well, I hope. It's still very early days in a rather bleak future. Oh well, you can only do what you can do.

[Budgie]

Hi @mensana ,

I don't think using Dr Google is that much of a bad thing.  It's better to have as much knowledge of what your facing as you can get, & as long as you read from reputable sites & have common sense, I think its a good thing.  Just remember that everyone is different & doctors CAN be wrong!  Using the internet can awaken you to things that doctors may neglect to mention, therefore you can ask questions relating to your specific needs.

I understand your patience wearing thin, & your mental health seems good.  Attitude plays a very big part in coping with cancer.  It's when people give up hope & have a defeatist attitude that the 'battle' is lost.  Chin up, suck it up & get on with living. 😉

Take care 

Budgie 

[mensana]

@Budgie
Thanks for the comments. Yes, that's about all I can do now, suck it up, and knuckle down. There's a lot to do. With the breaks in the rain we're getting now, mowing and weed spraying jobs have become a priority. My building project that got stopped by the rain is back on again (well, almost). General maintenance about the place. Not to mention the ongoing battle with Telstra which also takes time and energy. Come to think of it, I really need more hours in the day, LOL.

Take care

[mensana]

The roller coaster ride can get a bit rough at times. Can't complain really, don't know enough about anything to be able to complain. The brain PET scan and the lung evaluation were done over a fortnight ago, these were the final tests the medicos needed to start preparing a plan. If they are preparing a plan they're not letting me know anything about it. Don't know what to think. During the day I focus on working, and evening there's plenty of computer work with DVDs as a fill in where needed. But it's the nights after going to bed the mind runs wild making sleep elusive. The last several nights I constantly got up and watched DVDs to rein in my galloping mind. Of course, lack of sleep became a problem. Maybe due to exhaustion but last night I managed 4 hours sleep. It's made me feel a lot better.

Found myself a new GP but have yet to 'test drive' him, that starts next week. Just hoping it turns out something I can feel more comfortable with than my previous one. Time will tell. Another change of a really positive nature is that Telstra finally fixed my phone line. All it took was three months and me finally getting onto the Australian Communications and Media Authority (ACMA). The ACMA are the regulators of Telstra and can prosecute them. It's removed a lot of stress from my life at a time when it really isn't needed.

So the roller coaster ride goes on, with me trying to keep my hands within the car.