Hi to everybody

[#1]

Hi, My name is Robert, I am 61 years of age and the reason I am writing this is to say from what I have read so far I think you are all incredible brave people, I must admit being told I had a large tumor in the bladder last Tuesday, that has been and still restricts my ability to pass urine has been a real shock, however I am to see a Dr at the hospital next Wed and I believe they are taking a biopsy as well as other tests. My main concern is, has it spread? I have no idea where this is heading, and would appreciate if somebody out there could possibly enlighten me After 5 heart attacks over the years and a badly damaged heart, that now has me on a dissabilty pension, as unwell as I am with the coronary condition you feel like giving up, yet after reading some of your thoughts and determinations with your own struggles I admire your strengths perhaps I should solider on as they say and find an inner strength to consider myself as one of this group.

[Mrs_Elton]

Welcome Robert, Well done on your first post. You have just demonstrated that you are already 'soldiering' on, despite 5 heart attacks. The fear of the unknown can be overwhelming and obviously with your heart condition, you need to do everything you can to reduce your stress levels. I hope by using this site and sharing your feelings that will be an outlet for you to lower your stress/anxiety. Good luck with your appointment on Wednesday, I would suggest that you start writing your questions down now, as they come to you and if at all possible, take someone to the appointment with you. Having someone there as moral support and also as an extra pair of ears and possibly voice, should you require it is always helpful. There are times when we don't hear or may misunderstand what is being said and that moral support person can help to fill in the gaps and make sense of stuff you might miss. Trust your instincts, follow up any queries you may have, be honest with your doctors, give them the whole story, even if you are not sure if it is relevant. If you don't understand something, calmly ask them to explain it until you do. Your journey has just begun and I hope that it can be as smooth as is possible. Keep us up to date on how you are going. Kind regards, Mrs Elton

[#3]

You are "One of the Group" Robert, welcome to the site. Don't give up, there is always help at hand on this forum. You will find many wise people frequent this site offering insight, encouragment and just plain good advice. By your blog, you sound like a fighter, surviving 5 heart attacks is no mean feat. Good luck with the biopsy next Wednesday, hope the news is good. Keep on writing, shared experiences can help to relieve pressure. Take care, Reindeer

[#4]

Hi Reindeer Thank you for your kind words, unfortunatly the heart does not have the fighting capacity as the mind as it is severly damaged from the heart attacks, I remember I was 35 years of age when I had the first, after my stay in intensive care I was placed in a ward, a few beds down was a young man about my age that spent most of his time under the bed clothes in tears, I decided there and then that this was not going to be me, so after chatting up the nurses and being positive about life, a young nurse asked if she could do a theise (Think I spelt that wrong) a theise on denial systems, I was a clasical example, had I have not adopted that approach I would not have survived the additional 4 that has followed over the years. Ask me now where that positive thinking is and the honest answer is I don't know, I know I have had enough, enough chest pains, times when you go to sleep and really dont think you are going to wake up tomorrow, talk about quality of life, do I really think I am up to the fight ahead with cancer, stopping and pausing to think for a minute, tell you what I will try. Robert

[WishingStar]

Hi Robert, I think you have already been through so much with your heart, you may already be prepared for what is ahead - I remember being in intensive care after brain surgery with all the heart patients thinking that the poor people seemed to be in so much pain! You obviously have great strength. I suppose I have learnt from this site not to buy into the whole - must stay positive all the time scenario - and if things arent going well its because I am not positive enough' -everyone has good days and bad days - I suppose, this site helps us through the bad days, and gives us strength to take one day at a time - we are all human after all. I certainly agree with Jill in taking a notepad and pen and a support person, especially for the initial consultations and have your questions you wanted answered written down before you go in, so you dont forget and make sure that you fully understand everything before leaving the room. Good luck for the upcoming week, Nicole

[#6]

I’m sorry if my message came across as a stay positive message. My strength has wavered at various times through my cancer journey and in those times, I also wanted an alternative other than the “stay positive” speech. I meant to encourage you to keep writing on this site. There is so much to be gained by communicating, sharing information, hopes, fears. By losing that feeling of isolation and realising others share similar concerns and feelings is a great relief. I read kindness and strength in your words but also weariness. I am pleased that you ended with “tell you what I will try”. We have such strength within us, strength that we don’t realise we possess until tested. This site has helped me to restore a sense of calm back into my life. It is an understanding forum that allows expression of feelings. Writing enables me to clear my mind and I have renewed energy because of this expression. I can only hope that you also find comfort and help from this site. Kind Regards, Reindeer

[#7]

Hi Reindeer I must admit, I smile when I see the user name Reindeer, you have no idea how many times I go through my mind trying to remember the names of the reindeers over the last couple of days, I can see myself somewhere down the track on a hospital bed endeavouring to complete this exercise. :) Your words are encouraging and supportive, I remember partly waking after corony bypass surgery in 2001 to see the face of an angel, actually she was a nurse in intensive care but there was a softness in her voice and a smile that for the moment took away all the pain. I really thought for a minute i was in heaven I think you guys are the angels of the cancer world and yes positive is good and I must remember the smile of the nurse, and the words of caring that i have read on this site and of course the names of the reindeers 🙂

[#8]

Ummm, let me see, I will give you a start …… Comet, Prancer, Dancer, Donna, Blitzen and then my memory ceases. I was nicknamed Reindeer in Highschool by an annoying boy, he was generous in handing out nicknames to my group of friends (only the girls of course)… believe me, my nickname was the pick of the crop :-) Saw him many years later at a Reunion, he shared a laugh with us and apologised for being so annoying back then. I never dreamt that in the future something called the “Internet” would be invented and I would choose to use my nickname! Well, I will end my purely trivial blog now. Take care Robert.

[samex]

I'm sure there is a Cupid in there somewhere. S

[#10]

Hi Nicole If there is a positive side to illness and despair I beleive that it shows in the words that flow from the hearts of the afflicted, be it the paitent or the carer as I have seen and read on this site Corony although difficult has been part of my life for over 25 years yet it is an existance of day to day blessings, the holding of your youngest grandson in your arms, a reasuring smile to your partner that I can make the walk home with the dog when your breath starts to fail, life is handled at your own pace, and the best you hope for is to die peacefully in your sleep. The world you have created for yourself changes and Cancer becomes an univited foe that attacks the very essence of your existence this I admit scares me,I will know more as I have said after Wed, I was told by my Dr. today that I most likely will be hospitalized on Wed so I will see you as soon as I can. Robert