Husband just diagnosed, told its terminal

[LaurenM]

It’s been a really emotional couple or weeks. My husband who is 41 had some stomach pain and bloating and next thing we know, we’re in the hospital being told he has stage 4 bowel cancer that has spread through his entire abdomen and liver. They said it’s incurable but they should be able to start chemo to help shrink the tumours and give him more time. From the day we found out to his first chemo session was about 7 days, it’s all just happened so quickly because it so aggressive and it’s a lot to deal with is such a short amount of time. 

How can life change so much overnight? I find myself grieving over the future we had planned and inconsolable on how I am supposed to live my life without him. 

We are in Victoria which means I can’t even visit him in hospital due to covid restrictions. I feel so alone and without anyone to talk to. 

[battler45]

Hi I am so sorry to hear what your husband and yourself are going thru.  When I got diagnosed with cancer in my small intestine it all happen the same way as your husband so fast one day being told the news and In 7 days being  operated on.  I wonder if having no time to think about things is better.  Life can be cruel one minute life is just going normally and next everything is tipped upside down and hard.  I think the best way is try to live is day by day and not let your brain run away from you by thinking to far ahead.  Which is not easy to do.  I wish I had something to say to make it better but I don’t.  Look after yourself in such a hard time.

[Lampwork54]

Hi Lauren,

I'm so terribly sorry for your situation.  It must be a terrible shock for you both.  Victorian lock downs have been hard.  I'm in Melbourne too.  Can you check with your hospital if you can visit your husband?  Some hospitals are allowing 1 visitor per patient for a limit of 2 hours - temperature checked and in PPE gear.  No children under 18 years of age.  It's the most terrible time to get news like this.  

You can always write in here and find support.  You could also ring the Cancer Council and find out what type of support you may need and where to find it.  

I wish you and your husband the very best care, treatment and help available.  

[JaneW1]

Hi Lauren,

I am 38 and my 38 year old husband is currently palliative with bowel cancer. He was diagnosed stage 4 in December of 2018. 

We have 2 kids under 6.

Since diagnosis he had some early success with chemotherapy and his life was extended to nearly 2 years from a stage 4 diagnosis.  We went around Australia in a caravan with our children.  We visited chemo wards all over Australia.  

He eventually ran out of chemo options, and an immunotherapy trial in Melbourne looked promising.

He went over to Melbourne for an immunotherapy trial just as Melbourne went back into lockdown at the end of July.  We didn't see him for 2 months, as we live in Hobart and he couldn't come home due to Tasmanian border closures.

He eventually did come home, and pretty much the day he finished isolation he started to go yellow with liver failure, and we entered the world of palliative care.

So anyway, we do have some similarities in our story, Covid lockdowns have really been awful for those with limited life.