3yrs on

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3yrs on

Hi guys, having a few bad days and I really can"t eplain to anyone how I feel! When I was 1yr post diagnosis(stage3 pancreatic cancer),it was "wow,1 whole year!!!".2yrs was"wow 6mths more than anyone expected!!!".3yrs on and I keep wondering when I'm going to be told the fairy tale is over.Anyone else feel this way? thanks for letting me vent..all I get from family(if I tell them)is "you're fine,don't worry".Am I normal for worrying when the stats for pancreatic cancer are 5%survive 5yrs or more? I keep wondering why I would be the one? Sorry for the moan!!!
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3yrs on

Hello Margro, Thankyou for posting what you did as it gives others hope too that they can "outlive" a prognosis. I have stage 4 bowel cancer this has a 8-10% chance to get to 5 yrs. With 3 little children under 6yrs I am praying I get at least those 5 yrs if not more. I do feel like a sitting duck though, so I can definately empathise with what you are feeling. I was given 6mths to live and am now at almost 12 months and at the moment I have no active cancer on my last PET scan. But what you have posted gives me hope. Thank you Mihalo
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3yrs on

Hi Mihalo, thank you I appreciate other people understanding. I was diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer and because I have always been upbeat I have been told by different people how lucky I was that they caught it early!Give me a break,I was given 6weeks to live! Sometimes I resent the fact that people think I was caught early so it was no big deal! Sorry to whinge.I know how lucky I am.
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3yrs on

Margro, how wonderful to hear somebody say how it is for them. I too have been struggling with the continuous positive speak. My husband has stage 4 Colon cancer and the outlook is not looking all that positive at this stage. While he has done the man thing and not really talks about all this, I have been struggling with my thoughts and feelings of anger, frustration, sadness and fear. While the importance of being positive cannot be over looked, I also know that the expression of the other feelings must be expressed also. I was really feeling like I was the only one in the world that was not coping with this dreadful time in our life. After counselling and speaking to a wonderful man, we came to the conclusion that the positive speak has taken place of the no talking at all about feelings. I have found that hitting the pillow, writing, and sitting in a bath of warm water and allowing myself to have a good cry works wonders. The anger and sadness do need to be expressed as they are normal feelings and when expressed appropiately allow for the day to move forward with some sunshine. Once again thank you for expressing your feelings in this forum. I am sure that it will give others some freedom with what they are feeling. Good luck with everything.
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3yrs on

Hi Sharon, I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you,sometimes I forget to turn the computer on!!!Hope it's cause I'm busy and not senility!!! I'm sorry for what you are going thru,I really feel(and have often said)that it is harder in a lot of ways for the carer than the patient.Don't forget you. I don't know if you have tried,but,there are telephone support groups thru the cancer council and they are excellent.You talk to people in the same situation as you and it really helps to hear different coping skills etc.It's also another great place to vent on a more immediate basis(not 3 days later like slacko me!!!). Margro
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3yrs on

Hi Magro What you are feeling is perfectly normal - it's like waiting for the other shoe to drop.  When you've been told the stats and they aren't fabulous, others can think you should be grateful that you've beaten the odds.  They don't get that even if cancer isn't a death sentence, it is a life sentence.  There are NO guarantees.My prognosis was always good and I'm 13 years down the track with no recurrence, but whenever people find that out they usually say, 'Oh, that's great - you're right then.'  These days I simply respond, 'yes, today I am.'  I think it scares them to think that having cancer and surviving isn't a guarantee of being cured or in permanent remission.  It certainly took me more than 3 years to get to where I am now, but I use the fact that I might have a recurrence as a spur to living life as fully as I can.  It's really important that you have someone you can talk to about your fears.  Unexpressed, these can actually make you sick.  I suggest that you if you don't already go to one, you join a support group that has at least some members who have finished active treatment.  You'll find that many of them still live with the fear (to a greater and lesser degree in each individual) that their cancer could come back.Hang in there, it does get better with time.  Although the monkey on your shoulder will probably never go away, it does become almost silent instead of screaming in your ear constantly.Jane
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3yrs on

Thanks Jane!! I'm really glad I'm sort of normal. I'm trying to do things to show we can survive(entered in city to surf this year!!!).I think part of how I feel is due to the fact that I hate people thinking I'm being negative! Keep going on your journey,you are an inspiration
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3yrs on

Being real isn't being 'negative'!  I have a personal aversion to all the 'be positive' stuff.  It makes me mad that cancer patients are always supposed to be 'up', as if that has some bearing on how healthy they are or will remain.  (Latest research shows that this is NOT the case.)I prefer to try and be optimistic as much as possible, but everyone has their ups and downs as part of being human so why should that be any different for cancer survivors?!Sorry about the rant, but this is a particular peeve of mine...
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3yrs on

Hi Margro, I have just read your post, your suppose to vent, your telling us how you really feel, let it out, don't hold back. Your not alone with these thoughts and feelings. That's what this web site is for, to help and give support to others, from people who have already been there. I know you have read my post.  I'm a six year survivor of Merkel Cell Carcinoma, my husband was diagnosed 3 yrs later with Bladder Cancer muscle invasive, six in our family have been hit with cancer, my brother only survived 12 week's. My husband and I ask. Why have we survived?, and not the other four family members. I know how your feeling, one minute you feel on top of the world, then with no warning, a dark cloud passes over you, you start feel down and think the worst. When you've been diagnosed with cancer, life is never the same again. You look at life differently, things that were important to you aren't anymore. There's a very old song I remember my mother singing, and it goes something like this. "Just pick yourself up again, dust yourself off and smile, smile, smile". You've gone three years, that's a great, my husband has gone three years too. So let's support the two of you to the 5 year finishing line. Do what you did in the city to surf. Your a survivor. Best wishes, Merkel  
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3yrs on

Hi guys,decided I wasn't going to post anymore cause it's getting embarassing being the only one!!But guess what?Got a job!!!!Working in a kitchen(anyone who has listened to me whinge will know how hard food is for me)and guess what?They love me!!!!!That will probably change but never mind!Jed and Elly May are really not happy,but they will get used to it(I hope). Keep strong.Margro
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