Hi Mel,
Welcome.
Maybe there is something in the water/air at the moment, because I am really floundering at the moment too.
My hubby has 'the cancer' not me, so can't speak from that side for you, I am sure you will find this site helpful, it has certainly helped me on more than one occasion.
There will be someone 'out there' who has had similar experience to you and will be able to offer that understanding that you need.
In the meantime, go ahead and share whatever you are feeling with the rest of us, cos it's quite possible that most of 'us' have felt the same as you at some point!
Hope your day gets better.
Jill.