Being "inspiring"

[harker]

The 'you look well' comment is interesting. I have tended to say 'gee, thanks' - or at least think that it is a 'nice' thing for someone to say - but now I wonder what I am thanking someone for. I don't doubt that people mean to be encouraging when they say 'you look really well'. But encouraging me is kind of beside the point. I am not playing a tennis match and there is no score I can achieve with the right encouragement. It is a comment that seems to hang around with nowhere to sit. So, as usual, the cancer survivor makes space somewhere for everyone and their comments to have a nice comfy seat. 'Thank you' has been easier than a no reply but I think I agree with your approach more and more, diannep52. I find Saturday morning is a great time to sit and post here. It is a very centering activity for me and is usually followed by making bread, other writing, cooking and snoozing. I like Saturdays. H

[samex]

What sort of bread Harker? Yum. A bit too hot in Sydney this week for baking. I think I am going to "bludge" a swim in the neighbour's pool. I can remember feeling actually quite relieved when a colleague said that I looked really tired one day. It was quite refreshing to have someone state the truth rather than try to cheer me up by saying that my pale, steroid bloated face looked OK. I also think that perhaps people have expectations of chemo patients to be throwing up constantly(I think my mother-in-law was actually disappointed that I was only nauseous. All her friends were always throwing up??), and thin and frail. I grew fat and while the fatigue was so frustrating, I hardly grew frail - thnkas to steroids. Sometime we don't fit the stereotype! Allicat, can I admire you for still running? I'm impressed!! Samex PS Harker - I hope you enjoyed your Saturday.

[diannep52]

Hi Harker, I'm with you - I agree with everything you say, re: how WE accomodate others comments to make THEM feel better! It's the old aussie way of greeting people with 'hi, how are you?' when in actual fact nobody is really interested, and they have moved onto another conversation before you reply!! (hope that makes sense!) How'd the bread making go - I've never tried to make it, but I just love the smell of fresh baked bread! shame you cant share some with us, haha. As for your other Sat activities, I love the snoozing one too, I seem to do a lot of that lately! Hope you had a great day! Di 🙂

[diannep52]

Hi Samex, your comments 'cracked me up' - I just loved them (your pale, steroid bloated face!!) i find it 'funny' for want of a better word, that people always know 'someone' who had worse cancer than me, or who had worse symptoms than me, or who looked sicker than me!!! I wasnt aware that cancer was a contest to see who could be the sickest or have the worse symptoms. I suppose all of these comments keep us amused, if nothing else! Hope you had a great day! Di 🙂

[Allicat]

Samex, you can be impressed by my running as long as you don't call me inspiring! Diannep, I think you're right about people's encourgaging comments also meaning "well thank god its' you that's going through this, 'cause I dont think I would be able to cope". Building us up into heroic types might be a way to separate us (the sort of person who would get cancer) from them (the sort of person who obviously would not get cancer).

[samex]

Allicat - that is a deal! Keep on going. S

[Vicki_Anne]

I can relate to every comment here from the last few days. People say to me "you are looking well" , people who dont even hardly know me at all as well as family. My Mum is the best at that, I think it is her coping mechansism maybe. When inside of me I feel like shit, struggling to even get around the house some days. I get really frustrated and cross with myself cause I cant do the basic stuff. And yes I tend to accomodate others words, thinking they mean well. and they are only trying to encourage you, Somedays you dont want encouraging. Most days I dont feel brave or strong, I just want things fixed, and that aint gonna happen. With you Samex, the steroids fill my face out a little and it makes me look not so haggard and frail. But the fatigue is phenomenal most of the time. @ Dianne, yes there is always someone they know who has had it worse or did this or that and it worked for them, maybe you could try that they say. Ha. NO..... The frustrating thing at the moment is the typing, Bad finger farting this morning they're not pushing the right keys. LOL. I end up back spacing and hitting the keys even harder. Thanks all for expressing my thoughts in words I couldnt have thought of. Enough venting for now Vicki PS I do have great family support but they cant actually do it for you on the inside.

[diannep52]

Hi Vicki, I love your comment 'finger farting' - is that my problem? All this time I have been thinking it is 'chemo brain' not telling my fingers what to do!!! Hope you dont mind, but I am going to 'steal' your saying - I like that better!!! haha These forums/topics are great for 'people like us' - our little sisterhood/brotherhood 'thing' we have going, in so much that we can say exactly how we feel! If we say 'gee, I'm exhausted today', or 'I feel like shit' or ........whatever, we know the response will be from someone WHO IS FEELING EXACTLY THE SAME WAY! My partner STILL doesnt get the fatigue/tiredness side of things. After 2 years, all he says is 'you need to go to bed earlier!!!' I just cant get it through to him that I/we have an exhaustion that cant be cured by sleep,especially when undergoing chemo. Vicki, the family support is necessary, and I do have that, but they 'just dont get it!. Hope everyone is feeling Ok! Di 🙂