Has anyone else lost close friends or family members who you thought would be there during treatment? I saw this and realized cancer ghosting was a lot more common than I thought 😪Cancer Ghosting: The Traumatic Side Effect No One Warns You About
For sure. I don't necessarily blame people, it's just not a tool many have in their toolkit (dealing with mortality, knowing what to say). Most people don't know you just have to be there, and take the guidance of the person in strife.
I called Cancer Invisibility - the superpower you get from cancer radiation treatments, that nobody actually really wants: Cancer & Invisibility - Cancer Council Online Community
My mum lost a good friend (40+ years) when my dad was terminally ill. This "friend" expected mum/dad to still socialise with her during chemo treatment. She was always complaining that we were seeing other people, so why not her. Not once did she ever bother to drop in and ask how dad was going. She was in a neighbouring suburb one day (15 min away) but apparently it was too much further for her to go to drop into my parent's place. Not once did she ever visit dad in hospital. After he died, she insinuated that it was our fault that dad died, we weren't diligent enough. After all she was a nurse, so she "would have done things a bit differently" - her words.
So it's brutal, sad, suprising but most of all disappointing. The cliche is true. You don't truly find out who your friends are until something goes wrong with you. A true friend would have stood by us and supported us, not criticised us. A true friend wouldn't have blamed us (mum and I) for dad's death.
My dad has that common saying " Nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it". You'll soon find out who those people are and hopefully mix with people with deeper values than these shallow people. So don't take it personally. As I keep telling my mum, just because someone has done something wrong to her, doesn't mean she has done anything wrong to deserve it.
You don't fully know who your friends are until something goes wrong with you. A true friend would have stood by us and supported us, not criticized us. A good friend would not have blamed us (Mum and I) for Dad's death.
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