When I was going through my radiation treatment, I would make little jokes. I figured the staff did a pretty grim job, and I might try and make it more human for them, smiles not tears, G'day, how you doin' ?
I vividly remember the first lady leading me in there (Not Melania Trump, I mean the first nurse to take me in for treatment). Whether it's learned or natural, these people were all so kind, so gentle and warm and soothing.
I asked her, "so what are the rules about animals ?"
She was like (gentle, soothing, smiling), "sorry, hon, what do you mean ?"
Me: "what kind of choice do I have ? Cat, dog, bird, bear ?"
Her: "I thought you were asking if you could have a stuffed toy ?! I'm ... um" (hilarious, puzzled expression)
Me: "I figure the radiation will merge my DNA with the animal and give me a superpower, I just want to understand what my options are here. Nobody wants to be "RatMan" or "Cockroach-Man" .. hmm, I mean I guess you'd be tough and whatnot .. " (trials off)
There's a strange moment where we've both stopped in this white corridor, looking at each other, me musing, her puzzled. Then her face suddenly breaks open and she bursts out laughing. She was giggling all the way in (and later, leading me out). "Nobody, in all my years here, has EVER asked me that !"
(I was stunned, I figured someone must have --- like .. if you go to give blood, you make jokes about vampires)
Anyway, cancer gives you a laundry list of PROBLEMS, if you look at intangibles you could say it does give you things like perspective, a higher level of compassion maybe. But no - it doesn't give you superpowers.
Except one.
I think Cancer Invisibility is a thing. I've read it in these forums, seen it around me and felt it myself.
I can't say if it's something that the world inflicts on us (a natural movement by the herd AWAY from the sick animal). (plus a bit of "this is shit, I really dont know what to say or do")
It might just as well be self-inflicted (I'm sick, facing death, lost my familiar place in the world, people around me aren't meeting my expectations), whereby you imagine the effect.
Whether it's in their mind, yours or somewhere in between, I think it's a real possible symptom that might hit a cancer sufferer anywhere from diagnosis to late after treatment.
You can feel invisible, like a ghost living in the shell of your former self.
You can feel as though people in your life are pulling away. You can almost feel yourself fading.
I still haven't figured out exactly where it comes from, but I do think that Cancer Invisibility is absolutely a real, tangible thing. Being in the mind matters no more than schizophrenia being in the mind - it's still an important and compelling condition, and the only way to minimise negative impact is awareness and proactivity.
If you feel yourself fading, becoming invisible - step forward and start singing.
