Hi i am new

[jackie66]

hi there, i have just found this website. I am 46, 4children and 4 grandchildren. Last April i was diagnosed with stage 1V breast cancer with bone mets and lung mets. I have been going along okay and my treatment has been working. I still work fulltime even thought i am in pain most days. I was in a really good head space and very positive until 3 weeks ago i was diagnosed with Graves Disease,an autoimmune disease to do with the thyroid. The symptoms of this on some days is so overwhelming and scary. I feel so alone and cry all the time. After work i dont have the energy to do anything. My partner doesnt understand what i am going through, he thinks that being supportive is doing some housework, which i do appreciate but i need that emotional support that i am sure you all know what i am talking about. If i say i dont feel well or tell him what is wrong he becomes annoyed with me which then makes me feel that he doesnt care. I am sick of feeling like i have no one to turn to when i am in pain, tired and feeling really emotional. I try to be positive but i am feeling really down all the time. any suggestions

[jobeth]

Hi Jackie, You must be so scared and lonely? I can feel that in your message. My husband has GBM. On Friday we got the news that things are moving fast after 3.5 years of things being stable. We are on our way now. As his partner it is so scary. I can't tell you what it like worrying about what I will see him go through. As partners we don't feel it's appropriate to share our concerns and fears. My advice to you as a partner/ witness to this horrible thing is to take some time acknowledging what it must be like being him. It's tough because you are dealing with your own responses to your future and it can be impossible to contemplate the burden of others emotions but trust me, the fear is crippling. I think maybe he needs to know you realise how scary the future looks from his eyes. You may find through acknowledgment he will open up to you. Maybe counselling could be a good back up plan once you have started the discussion. He will need lots of support. Good luck, you're in my thoughts , Jo

[Anne]

Wow what a lot to deal with. My mum has secondary breast cancer with bone and liver mets. She is in pain most days as well with the bone mets. What a strong person you are to be working and also cope with this extra disease as well. I would say your partner does care but maybe he is as scared as you are and I know in our family that men are sometimes not very good with the emotional stuff. You may need to find a support group or support from a female friend who may understand or help you emotionally. Can you talk to your children?

[jackie66]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I am so ready to fall apart. My partner told me tonight that he is leaving as he cant deal with me anymore. The treatment and the graves disease makes me anxious and moody and sometimes i dont know i am doing it. He doesnt understand that i cant control it. We were in the process of buying a house and now wont be. I just cant deal with this. I told my partner when i was diagnosed that if he wanted to leave he could. I have been crying all night, am so stressed and so alone. I feel like giving up, i just dont have the strength anymore. Its too hard, i dont want the cancer to win but it is taking everything away from me. sorry for venting.

[jackie66]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I am so ready to fall apart. My partner told me tonight that he is leaving as he cant deal with me anymore. The treatment and the graves disease makes me anxious and moody and sometimes i dont know i am doing it. He doesnt understand that i cant control it. We were in the process of buying a house and now wont be. I just cant deal with this. I told my partner when i was diagnosed that if he wanted to leave he could. I have been crying all night, am so stressed and so alone. I feel like giving up, i just dont have the strength anymore. Its too hard, i dont want the cancer to win but it is taking everything away from me. sorry for venting.

[edie]

Hi Jackie I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Everything happening at once like that must be so tough. Do you think it is possible to resolve the situation with your partner or has he already checked out bigtime? I have been both a carer and a person with cancer. I thought I understood what it was like to have cancer, having been a carer, but frankly until I had cancer myself I had no idea what it feels like. It seems to me that good communication is absolutely essential - not sure I achieved that. At the same time, a partner who can't/doesn't want to understand (at least as well as you can ever understand anything until it happens to you), and who either just can't cope or needs you to prop him up must be hard going. That is different from someone who is genuinely in it with you and trying their best. You have got a lot to cope with. Have you tried any support groups or counselling, or spoken to anyone at the Cancer Council? It sounds like you really could do with someone on your side. Is it possible for you to work part time? Take a short holiday to regroup? And I think there is no need to beat yourself up because you are not "positive". There is no law that says you have to be. Please hang in there and reach out for all the help you can find. That can be a very hard thing to do but when you find that help it can make all the difference.

[gn21]

Hi Jackie66. This is really shitty stuffy and your partner bowing out must just make it so much worse. It's so hard, but we can't make them stay with us if they don't want to. Edie's suggestions sound good. Are your family on the scene at all and can they assist? I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Gail

[Annie003]

Hi Jackie66, I just read your post and hope, a few days down the track, you are a little better. As if cancer isn't bad enough, life sends some more trials for you to cope with. It happened to me also and I really got sick of people saying that one about God only giving hard stuff to those who can handle it! It's true we learn to deal with all we have but only because there's no other option! My husband left me 18months ago. I had to work & pay for a house in a city I was alone in. I moved back to be near family, got a new job and BANG! Bowel tumour! Surgery, chemo, and same as you, had to keep working to survive. Crying every day and night, sick and alone, my husband gone and no one to hold me and tell me I'll be allright. Now, chemo finished back in October, still not out of the woods and BANG! My 23 year old daughter has ovarian cancer. She's moved in with me, I'm helping her through her journey whilst unsure if I'm going to be ok. She cries, I hold her & tell her its unfair. My heart is broken again watching my baby suffer. We dont think she will survive....and what about me? At least I have my family and friends near me now and my life is changing direction too. What's in store? Who knows? I get up every day and work or rest or try to have a bit of fun. I feel sorry for you but all I can do is offer support, send lots of good energy to you and my best wishes. Take care xox

[Gaylene_Mc]

Hi Jackie, I have just joined cancer connections and have read your story and am wondering how things are going now? Hope things have improved for you and you are getting the support you need and deserve. Xx