I am Stu, 47 yo male from near Scone, country NSW. I have terminal Pharanasal (sinuses) cancer which is now advanced but still fighting.
I have made it to 3 years a couple of months ago. I have 2 children of my own, and my wife (separated) has 3 children.
My wife left me 6 months ago. We were married 3 months when I was diagnosed. My beautiful wife cared for me until she left, I have had to move off the farm to town now to be near the hospital. The property was 45 minutes from town, so assistance and palliative care could not help me living that far form town.
I am struggling more with the separation than my cancer, and would love her to reconcile our marriage. She visits most days and we check in morning and night, she say's she still loves me but can't cope with the cancer and what it's done to me. I miss living on the farm where she has now moved back too.
Apart from that, I am still fighting but without the enthusiasm and attitude which I once had. So that's my story in short
I am Juno and I am new here as well. I am newly diagnosed so it is all at the beginning for me. We share something in common you and I and that is we live rurally. I have to travel 350km's to Perth next week for my first specialist appointment to discuss my options. That is the hardest part about living in the country I guess when you find yourself having to deal with this kind of issue.
I am sorry to here you are struggling with your situation right now. But I feel that reaching out for support is a good thing for you to do so I commend you on that. One thing my doctor told me is that I need to keep the stress levels down. Which I know will be difficult for you since your relationship breakup is so new. But for your children's sake please try your hardest. I hope you don't mind my saying that.
I am a single mum of 13 years so I left all that way behind me. I just know that at the end of the day I have to not only put myself first (difficult for me!) but I also have to support my two kids with what the future deals me.
Anyway I hope to receive a reply from you and I hope it is one with more enthusiasm.
Take care, Juno.
Thank you for your message. Where in WA do you live ? I lived in Perth so 20 odd years ago, and still have friends there. I was a rep on the road, covering a large area of WA, up past Geraldton, Meekatharra, Wiluna, Goolie (Kal. I was an engineer so obviously covered the mines.
How old are your children ? I have a 22 yo daughter (Emily) she now lives in Sydney, and my son Jack, he lives with his mother still in a place called Bomballa, down past Canberra about 6 hours from Syd. I live about 4-5 hours north of Syd, so it's a good trip to see Jack (16yo), but he gets the train up her and drop's in to see his sister on the way.
This was my second marriage that just went balls up.
Tell me what are you battling, what treatment have you had, did it go well for you, it must be an enormous worry being a single mum.
Stress !!! Now let's not even talk about that.
I have palliative care dropping in shortly, best get ready for them. Lovely to hear from you, hope this finds you well, enthusiasm well I will try.
Hi again Stu,
Well its all new to me I am still waiting for my first appointment. It is a female related c..... so I will leave it at that. I am taking some hormone tablets to shrink the t..... which are making me a bit depressed. I am waiting to find out about surgery which I should know next Monday. Then whether I need further treatment depends on how they stage the cancer after the surgery. It's pretty much a waiting game. Which as you would probably be well aware is getting me down a bit. I mean when your first diagnosed all you want to do is get rid of it so that your chances of survival are the greatest. Enough of that I don't want to give it any more power over my life than it already has.
I live down south in a small town named Gnowangerup. I have been here for 8 years. I would like to move on and I was hoping to unfortunately I will have to put it off for a while since I have stopped working now.
My children are 18 (girl) and 15 (boy). They will come with me to my appointment next week.
I lived in Kalgoorlie for a while, well Boulder really, in my younger wilder days. I had a great time there.
I lived in Pannawonica with my ex partner and when I decided it was all to much I had to leave because it is a closed mining town, you might know about that anyway if mining was your game.
I must admit I haven't heard of any of the places you have mentioned. I'm not familiar with Sydney or Canberra areas at all. I went to Melbourne and Geelong about 5 years ago. I really liked it there. We stayed in Geelong and went to to Kardinya Park to see the cats play. Do you like the footy? If so do you have a team you like? Then again NSW is big on Rugby hey!
I was working as migrant resource worker but after the diagnosis I was finding it a bit difficult to concentrate on other peoples issues and decided I should save my energy for myself. I am also studying uni part time online so I have a few decisions to make. I am supposed to start the semester next Monday which is a bit of drag. I was going to do 2 units but I may have to renegotiate that if my treatment is more than surgery.
Life was certainly keeping me busy but with this road block I will have to do a rethink and play it as it comes.
Well I have told you quite a bit about myself. By the way I am a pom and yep we can talk...
How's things for you at the moment Stu? You mentioned that you are fighting terminal c..... and you have a palliative care nurse visit. Which will be taking a lot of courage and strength. I don't even know you but I am sending you my deepest thoughts as this would be one of the hardest life challenges imaginable. That's of course if you want to tell me and talk about it. If not and you just need someone to chat to about other things to take your mind off it for a while then that's OK by me. It's up to you Stu, the balls in your court mate.
It's been a long day for me, I feel like I have to get my house in order for the journey I am about to embark upon so that when I get home to recuperate after surgery I wont have to worry about things for a while. To answer your question about being stressful as a single mum well I am trying to focus positively, I'm not sure my kids really comprehend it all to be honest. They say ignorance is bliss! So positive is the way to go for me to make sure they can cope.
look forwards to your reply Stu.
Take it easy, Juno.
Another west aussie rural person here. I travelled for my treatment and spent a lot of time in Perth over a perdiod of 5 months or so. It gets tough but it's very doable. Are you staying at Milroy House or Crawford Lodge at all? I stayed mostly at Milroy and it was a great facility. If you do stay there, you could get a group together a have a movie afternoon in their theatre. :)
Hope all goes well with your treatments.
Hello to you Juno, julie and Stu
I just wanted to say hello and to wish u all the best with your battles, I'm Debbie and have stage 4 Colon C..... I have 3 adult children and 3 little grandchildren and this is scaring the life outta me! as i assume it is everyone else in similar positions
Imm so sorry to read about the other struggles u all have on top of the C.....
I'm here if anyone wants to chat x
Firstly welcome to our little group, sad to see you here but glad to meet you. We are all going through exactly the same issues as yourself, fortunately or unfortunately some longer then others.
My name is Stuart, I'm 48 and live in country NSW (Upper Hunter) and I have Pharanasal cancer, which is cancer of the sinisus and have a terminal prognosis, and yes that scares the shit out of me too.
I don't think that it matter what type of cancer you have, its the fact that you have cancer, that's the first stumbling block that we have to come to terms with, then its all another step to take from there, and we are here to come to terms with that I think and talking to others who are taking those steps always helps I think.
I don't think that until you actually have cancer can you really appreciate what it is like and what it takes to try to accept where life is going to take you, or not knowing where, what and when it is going to take you.
I don't have a great understanding of the stages as they don't talk about stages with my cancer, its more a case of if you have it, "your fucked" type of scenario excuse the French.
I was originally given a 9 month window for living, that was 3 1/2 years ago, and I am still going but well and truly suffering from the affects that it is having on my body. I have been through the mill of chemo and radio therapy and I would imagine you are contemplating which or both of those at the moment. All I can tell you is that both of them have an up and down side, with some affects lasting the rest of your life.
But anyway we must look for the brighter side of life at the moment and I hope that I can bring some laughter, hope, love and information as you also walk the path we are all walking.
Hugs and cuddles, Stu
glad to hear from you, I agree with you, it doesn't matter what type of cancer you have just the fact that you've been told u have 'cancer' is hard enough to come to terms with, I'm not sure I'm even there yet, I still have lots of 'disbelieving times'
i agree that until you have been told u have cancer u cannot appreciate how devastating it is to be told that and then your whole life changes!
I'm doing chemo and have been since April i think, I've had about 11 cycles of it at first it was horrific and i ended up so ill i was in hospital for about 9 days, then it settled a bit and then i developed neuropathy so they stopped one of the chemo's that cause it and the chemo hasn't been nearly as so bad since, but i guess that's a trade off, cos im not having that particular chemo treatment now the cancer could be getting worse..
Yes we must look on the bright side though sometimes it's hard to find one I also suddenly lost my mum in July a nd that's hit me hard too, it's been a very rough year so far
I hope you are doing okay
G'day Deb's, that was a double wammie to have your mother die, I can understand how you must be feeling. 6 months ago my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer as well, sue he's still alive but with it being terminal, he's all but dead, but the sad thing is I am watching him go through what I have been through, and to see the father I use to know disappear is dreadful, it is like the father I knew is dead already.
My poor mother is beside herself, watching us both must be dreadful for her. Dad was always this larger then life character, always greeted everyone with a big smile, a loud, and firm G'day and if the asked how are you, he would always answer with a "any better and it would take two to hold me down' or some thing similar.
How is your treatment going ? I am not having anymore as the last round didn't do anything but make me sick like yourself, and my father is doing the same. He see's no point and would rather spend what time he has left being as well as possible, and not sick from treatment.
My own condition is deteriorating much quicker now, with tumor excreting fluid from my ear, which Dr's weren't expecting. It seems the tumor has not only taken away my hearing on that side but also consumed the ear canal as well as well as affecting my cognitive thinking, with verbal replies making no sense to the conversation at times, which is really hard to come to terms with and quite embarrassing, because post verbalization I know what I have said but don't understand why I have said it. And that's a conversation killer. So between that and pain levels going through the roof for the past fortnight I know its starting to cause major damage internally, other symptoms include minor body tremors' / fits while falling asleep (twilight zone).
Anyway, that's all that's going on here, hope this finds you well. Hugs Stu
Did anybody consider not having chemo when diagnosed? I am more scared of that than the operation that was horrific in itself, after op, bowel blockage, acute renal failure, hypercalcemia, followed by wound infection that had to be opened up again! Guess I was just lucky hey lol Dunno whether I can do this anymore? Feel like just saying "just leave me alone"! Thanks for listening.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.