hi Pen,
It funny how it takes a while for our understanding and emotions to catch up with what's going on in our body. Which city are you based in? As I know of a few melanoma groups in Sydney, if you wanted to hear other stories and advice face2face.
A journey with cancer is hard, actually it can be bloody hard, but you don't have to be a victim if you dont want to. I know of several people who've taken control of their journey and exceeded all expectations/statistics as a result. I'm one of them when I was classed as a stage 4 melanoma a few years ago.
I wish you peace,
U Can