Living alone with Cancer and Depression

[Richard56]

My name is Richard, I am 68 yro, I was diagnosed with bladder cancer 4 weeks ago with 2 tumors, my surgery was 10 days ago with a follow up appointment with my urologist 3 days ago, the results of the tests completed on the tumors and biopsies are conclusive that I have cancer, however I will have to go back into hospital in 4 weeks time to have repeat surgery and deeper biopsies taken as the surgeon is not satisfied he has removed all of the cancer.

I am finding myself so alone and becoming quite depressed and anxious as I have no family or close friends for support during this tough time for me. Is it normal to become depressed when you have cancer ? , should I be seeing my GP regarding antidepressants ? All of my life i have been fit and healthy although I did smoke but don't anymore but never been on antidepressants in the past. At the moment I cannot get out and go for walks etc because my surgery is still healing, I just feel so isolated at home and becoming very negative about all of this. Has anyone been in a similar situation to me, and if so what did you do to help.

Thanks, Richard 

[Cindi54]

Hi Richard,

I really understand what you are feeling as I am in the same situation in a way.

I also went through the operation to do a biopsy , he found a big aggressive tumor in my ureter, so then he removed right kidney, ureter and part of bladder.

I healed quite quickly because Ive always been a bit of a gym junky so fitness helped, but now waiting to go on chemo.

I've taken it easy to let myself heal completely to get ready for chemo.

I'm so sorry for you, it's hard isn't it, especially if you are used to doing exercise, and aren't allowed for a while, you just want to get out there and do something.

I also used to be a smoker many years back, my Oncologist thinks that may be why I got this.  Try not to be negative, your specialist will sort it all out for you and work out the best plan for you.

I feel seeing your GP about antidepressants is actually a good idea.

I went on Lexapro antidepressants and I am feeling better.Talk to your specialist or GP.

Sometimes we need a little help.

Reach out here though also, it's good to talk with others who understand.

You sound fit and healthy( apart from this) like me, so you can beat this, I intend to 🙂

It's very daunting hearing that you have cancer, I know, but its not the end of the world, many people get better, so try to think that way. Try to think positive !

Sending hugs to you,

Cindi x

[Ashley_ccnsw]

Hi Richard56,

The cancer journey can be deeply impactful, lonely and isolating at times. It's terribly unfortunate, but this can be a common experience. However, many people have found it useful to talk to someone professional about all of this. We have our 13 11 20 line if you need to debrief or get clinical information from an oncology social worker or nurse, we also have our counselling service if you need some deeper emotional support, and depending on your staging we also have our Cancer Connect service or Telephone Support Groups where you can speak to those with a lived experience of cancer diagnosis and treatment.

Please reach out if you need us. We're here to help.

All the best and thinking of you,

Ashley

[Richard56]

Thank you Cindi for your kind words and wishes, I am seeing the GP today for some antidepressants.

I am trying to be as positive as i can

Wishing you all the very best on your recovery too.

Kind regards 

Richard xx

[Richard56]

Thank you Cindi for your message, you are so very kind .You have been so brave to go through all that, how are you feeling now ? are you on Chemo yet ? Please let me know.

I have my next round of cancer surgery next Monday 30th Sept,  atm I won't know what the ongoing treatment will be, definitely immunotherapy, but also could be chemotherapy as well, just have to wait until the op then see the oncologist. 

Wishing you all the very best, you will be in my thoughts for your recovery. 

Sending you healing wishes

Richard xx

[Cindi54]

Hi Richard,

Sometimes I think the "waiting" for surgery or results is the hardest part.

But it comes and then good to get it over and done with.

I'm so glad your going to get some help with anti depressants, any help  we can get is good.

I've found the chemo is not as bad as I first thought it would be, I was prepared for much worse, so don't be worried about that too much.

It seems they know how to help with side affects a lot these days thank goodness.

This Thursday I go into the clinic for my chemo of Gemcitabine & Carboplatin.

I'm onto my second cycle of chemo.

On Wednesday I have my bloods done so they can see if they need to lower drugs or whatever, so they do keep a close eye on you.

I also found that after chemo for a few nights I had a sleeping pill ( prescribed by oncologist) really helps me, so maybe you can discuss this with your Onc too? or you may not need it at all.

Good luck with your surgery, where abouts are you?

I'm in Sydney. I go to the Health Hub opposite North Shore Private hospital.

Sending you hugs and best wishes,

Cindi xx

The unknown is scary I know, but your oncologist should be able to inform you of whatever you want to know, I found it helpful to write things down so I wouldn't forget what to ask my oncologist.

[Richard56]

Hi Cindi,

Thank you for your message, glad the chemo is not as bad as expected for you, have you had any hair loss or gum and teeth problems at all ? Yes the waiting and not knowing is stressful, my doctor has prescribed Endep low dose to help get me off to sleep also some temazapam 1 tablet per day for anxiety, I'm trying not to take these, only if I'm desperate .

Keeping busy is a challenge, i go to the gym most days just to walk on the treadmill for an hour, then read a book or watch some tv, I'm 68yro, at this point just trying to get my fitness back, I had a hip replacement in april as well so this year has been a real challenge for me. I had been on google a lot researching bladder cancer, now I'm staying away from that, it hasn't been uplifting for me.

Its only been these last few days that its really hit home that my cancer could limit my life, however I just must focus on living and keep positive and have a healthy lifestyle, 

I live in the sth east suburbs of Melbourne,  Berwick, my hospital is only 5 minutes away fortunately, the same with my urologist. 

So now I will just have to wait till the 2nd surgery on the 30th and then the results of the deep biopsies then the oncologist.

Talk soon.

Sending you hugs and Best wishes too. 🙂❤

Take care,

Richard xx

[Cindi54]

Hi Richard,

Well tomorrow I go in to have my big chemo session, and no, so far not really much hair loss, a bit of thinning, but nothing much. Gums & teeth fine, I make sure I brush twice a day and I was recommended to gargle with one teaspoon of bi -carb soda, which helps.

Today I go and have bloods done so they can check how my body is coping.

I'm glad you've got some meds for the anxiety, I know it's really no good telling you not to worry too much, because you just do don't you, but you will probably feel a bit better after your operation on the 30th ( not long to go) it's just so hard facing the unknown.

You're a bit like me , I also love the gym and I've managed this last week to go back and do a bit of exercise ! so I'm not feeling too bad at all. I also like the treadmill, but I read my Kindle reader while on there so I don't get bored.

After tomorrow I will probably lay low as I know Ill feel tired but it's manageable.

Oh PLEASE don't look up Dr Google, it just freaks one out! a lot of what you read is out dated and also just untrue, don't torture yourself.

I'm so sorry you've also had a hip replacement, not such a good year!!

Aim towards fighting off this cancer and looking ahead with positive thoughts of a healthy 2025.

That's what I'm doing.🙂

I don't know how you feel about dogs, but I find them therapeutic, and because I don't have one myself, I enjoy walking up to a dog off leash park near me and chilling out there, they are such happy souls and can lift the spirit.

Last year I had breast cancer ( didn't have chemo though) and used to go and have acupuncture, it really helped my anxiety and helped me so much. ( I got through all that fine)

You may find it helpful at some stage?

Anyway, please let us know how you're going. I know you feel the 30th is hard to wait for, but it'll come along and then you will find out what the next step will be, honestly, they have come such a long way with treatments and when on chemo they monitor you so well and adjust it all to make it as comfortable as possible for you, try your best to think positively, trust in your team .

Talk soon,

hugs from Cindi xx

[Richard56]

Hi Cindi,

Thanks for your message, and yes I will do my utmost to follow your advice and be as positive as I can. 

Yesterday I got audible and downloaded a book, I normally just read but I thought I would give it a try, I don't have any pets either, I had a cat that passed away 2 years ago, she was 17, I live in a small unit from the beginning of this year now so having a pet wouldn't be ideal for them. 

Today I'm feeling a bit down atm, my feelings and emotions are up and down, for the first time in my life I don't feel like myself at all, I always felt positive and strong with a good outlook to life, I just have to get that back.

I will be thinking about you and sending you positive thoughts.

Talk again soon

Best wishes, Richard xx

[Richard56]

Hi Cindi,

I've been thinking about you and checking in on how you are feeling after the big chemo session on Thursday. 

I really hope you're feeling not too bad and you can get back to the gym in a few days.

Finally we are having some good weather,  just the weather can have a bearing on how you feel, tomorrow's going to be sunny and 21 here, but I'll watch the grand final in the arvo, my team is out but it'll be good to watch.

I've been stocking up on supplies, food etc for my op on Monday, my last op I couldn't drive for 2 weeks and couldn't walk far for a week, it'll be similar this time around I guess.

Its crazy cause today was a day with no pain in my bladder, first time since the surgery, but I'm still incontinent though, I hate the nappies, maybe this will be a lifelong thing though.

I hope you're ok, and I'll be thinking about you. 

Take care.

Hugs xx,

Best wishes, Richard