Nervously waiting for liver biopsy results

[greg57]

Hello again Cindi, good to hear its not your liver, just an infection, hopefully antibiotics can clear it up. Ive actually cost myself five weeks in treatment time. When i was in the waiting room ready for my biopsy i panicked and bailed out before i was called in. Same thing happened when i was half an hour away from getting the mapping done on my liver, i bailed again. I dont really know if im strong enough to go through with it all, im 57 and ive had a good life. Im thinking a lot about pulling the pin on all the treatment, even though i havnt even started it yet. Its too hard to think about. I just feel like letting the disease run its course and whatever will be will be. Am i a coward?? . Am i weak??. Where do i find the strength ??. I have a beautiful loving partner who is in for the long road ahead, but i feel like a burden and dont want to put her through this. Anyway, im due in the hospital at 8am on Wednesday. Two more sleepless nights to work it out. All the best for you Cindi,   Greg xx

[Cindi54]

Hi @greg57 ,

Oh Greg I'm sorry, it sounds like you need someone with you to give you the push you need.

I wish you lived closer to me and I'd go with you , please don't give up, you're not old, 57 ISN'T old!!  you have so much more time to enjoy this world, please , I know its so hard to face everything.

Is it possible for your partner to go with you to appointments?

You're thinking the worst and it may not be bad, I don't know what the biopsy involves or the mapping?

How does that work?

are you sedated?.. I'll look it up.

Oh I've just seen that you'd be put to sleep so that's good! I wish you would re schedule?

What did your specialist say?

Last year I had biopsies with my breast cancer and I was sedated, so no pain, all ok.

But I've also had big needle things pushed in via ultrasound to take bits of cancer from my breasts, while awake, which wasn't as bad as I'd feared.

Can you try to think "it could be good news " when you need to get things done?

Try to grab a bit of the positive, everything is usually not as bad as we imagine, they are so advanced in everything these days, and even with chemo they have so much to offer you for any side affects, not like say 10 years ago.

Try to find the strength to go forward with this, write down your fears, get it out of you, do it for your partner, do it for yourself, Please don't bail again,  please go on Wednesday, 8am is GOOD, you'll get it all over and done with early.

I think you need to talk to a therapist, that could really help you.

You never know, things might be better than you feared , it often is.

I'm scared of this coming Thursday when I have my big chemo day, but I WILL go because the side affects can mostly be treated, and having the chemo is better than doing nothing.

I want to get as well as I can so I can do things I dream of, like going up to the Daintree and walking the rain forests, seeing all the wonderful birds and native flora and fauna.

Lots of things I still want to do. I INTEND to do.

With such advanced medicine available now, you have a much better chance of success.

Try to concentrate on the things you love and want to do when all this is over and done with.

Sending you big hugs,

Cindi xx

[greg57]

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement Cindi, i really appreciate you taking the time. This is the first real medical scare ive ever had, so im still in the shock stage i think. And thr fear of the unknown is spinning me out. My partner has been coming with me, but as its a long day she comes home after they call me in. This time she is going to ask if she can stay with me after im prepped and dressed and stay until im called. It will help a lot as the waiting is the worse time. Yes 8am is early but i was there at 8 the last time and i still wasnt done at 2pm. When you are fasting from midnight its really hard. Hopefully i can get it over with a bit earlier on Wednesday. She is bringing cable ties to secure me to the bed so i cant go anywhere. Serious lol. The Daintree sounds beautiful and serene, i can see why youd love to go there. Ive done a lot of surfing over the years, pretty much since i was 15. Never been overseas but have been to lots of beautiful beaches and coast here, so i hope i can get through this and see many more. Take good care of yourself ok, and thankyou again for your support. It really means a lot. I will let you know how things go on Wednesday. Bye for now xx

[greg57]

And all the best on Thursday. Ill be thinking of you.xx

[Jennifer66]

hi greg57

wishing you all the best for Wednesday. And I know what it is also to bail, I did the same with my first cystoscopy Turbt, I left the hospital but my husband still waiting and he took me back as they were looking for me, the anxiety of the waiting gets to you so much especially when your at hospital so early and you wait and wait 

all will be good and you will be fine 

good thoughts with you 

[Jennifer66]

Hi cindi54

so sorry to hear of your  ordeal, hope you are feeling so much better and good luck with your next treatment, you certainly have been through a lot 

kind thought with you 

[Cindi54]

Hi @Jennifer66 ,

Thank you for your kind wishes, unfortunately I just got a call from my chemo nurse and they have decided to delay my chemo for a week due to the infection in my kidney.

Very frustrating, I just want to get it over and done with.

How have you been?

Cindi

[Jennifer66]

Hi cindi54

i thought that may have been the case, as they don’t won’t to take any unnecessary risks 

[greg57]

Thanks so much for that Jennifer, im at home resting today after finally getting it done. They got me in early, so the little voices in my head didnt get a chance to start talking to me. The procedure itself went well, the doctor seems to think it might be manageable if the SIRT treatment works. Fingers crossed. Hope you are well. Greg xx

[greg57]

Hi Cindi, Greg here, well i got the work up procedure done yesterday. Just at home resting up today. Thankfully this time they got me in early, i was on the table ready to go at 9.50am. The needle in the groin was no fun, and despite a bit of a loss of dignity it went well. And back home by 4.30. I wasnt put to sleep as they needed me to do breathing and holding my breath, so only really had some mild sedation. Its  amazing what they can do these days. I think you sent Jennifer a message saying you didnt get your chemo done ( it came to me too ) due to your infection? That could be a relief or a setback as you you said you were dreading it. Im dreading mine too. Hope you are well, take care, Greg xox