Parents with cancer

Occasional Visitor

Parents with cancer

Hi all. Very new here. Just reaching out for support and info. 

Mum was diagnosed early September with gastric cancer. Getting the final diagnosis was 1 issue after another which included gagging with the endoscope (2nd one after the first 1 showed a stomach ulcer and symtpoms didn't improve with medication). 

Now it's mid November and she is in hospice and on Saturday they placed her on a pain pump. Dad says she is pretty much asleep all day now where as a week ago she slept a lot but still had periods of wakefulness. Unfortunately I live on the other side of Australia and I haven't seen her since her diagnosis. She told dad that she doesn't want her situation to disrupt any of her children's careers or lives, or her only grand daughters-my daughter and so requested that we stay here until she has passed. At the beginning of her diagnosis, none of her wishes were respected by other members of her family and so I am torn between taking my daughter out of school early and flying there...bugger the career!

And then there's dad. Diagnosed with prostate cancer in late September but kept it between him and mum. He has now been a bit forthcoming about it. He is travelling to Brisbane for robotic surgery because it's in his prostate "and other surrounding bits" and the local surgeon doesn't have the experience. This surgery is scheduled in January which is apparently prrtty quick. 

My sister who is in Brisbane doesn't know what questions to ask and mum and dad have been very tight-lipped about it all.  

They are both very practical, pragmatic, logical and stubborn so wills, funerals etc are all planned out. 

Its an over whelming place to be in but I feel so selfish wanting support. Most evenings when my daughter has gone to bed are spent crying on the couch. 

Not sure what I'm looking for one really has any answers. I asked my dadbif it was time for us to come over yesterday and he said no...she could linger for weeks...

Just neededbto vent I guess. If you got this far...thanks for reading!

Regular Contributor

Re: Parents with cancer

Hi Beccam, what a difficult situation you are in. All I can suggest is if you think it would be your biggest regret if your mum dies and you haven’t seen her, then you should just go and be with them. Even if just for a short time. 💕 Linda G 

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Frequent Contributor

Re: Parents with cancer

So sorry to hear about your mom...

I personally would respect her wishes...

Our oldest son and his family are flying home in January.  I know they can't afford to and it brakes my heart. I know he's worried that I may not be around this time next year. 

My doctor just reminded me yesterday that I could still die from my cancer and that I need to take it more seriously than I am. 

I don't want my kids or grandchildren changing their life because of me. 

I know they love me.  That's why I wake up everyday happy. 

I'm sure your mom feels the same way. 

If you decide not to go never regret it. 

I can feel how much you love her by your post.  I'm sure she knows it as well. 

Make her last days about her and not you..

If I were you I would go afterwards and spend the time helping your dad. I could be lost without my wife . I'm so thankful that it's me with cancer and not her.

Be strong for your daughter as well. This will be a life learning experience. If she see you handing it well she will be better prepared for ruff times in her life. 

I would prefer not to have cancer but I do. I'm using it to teach my family to stay positive and strong...

Stay strong!!!

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