Husband’s Anger

[Bria100717]

Background: So, we are going to the doctor tomorrow to see if my husband has cancer and the what surgery he will need. He has sinonasal papilloma, I believe. His mother died of cancer in her lungs, brain, lymph node... so I can understand the fact when he gets really mad and blows up. 

He will start cussing at my brothers who we are raising (another stress) and then turn to me and start cussing me out and telling me what I’m doing wrong and that I act like a saint and I can’t be a mother & that I don’t put him before anyone else.... and whatever else comes up. 

Earlier this week, he started cussing my brother (for the second time) and I told him to stop so that anger redirected to me... I got up and decided to just leave the room and go take a shower. Not a good idea apparently... so I try to shut the bathroom door and In the mix of our heated convo he says “fuck you & you’re a lying motherfucker” and so I had enough and told him to get out. 

To sum it up... he didn’t leave he wanted me to help get his things. I told him no. 

Anyway, with all the stress we have in our life I just keep thinking to myself... do I want to spend the rest of my life with a man who will disrespect and cuss me and the kids out. 

Then... I’m at a loss because he is upset that he may have cancer and thought of that alone is just scary. But then I don’t want to give emotional abuse any kind of excuse... 

I just don’t know what to do... 

Any advice?

[Budgie]

Hi Bria100717,

I was wondering what the result were for your husband - is it cancer?

There is no excuse for violence at all!  May I suggest you both attend some counselling.   Although your husband may not take kindly to the suggestion, it might help you both.  

My father was a violent man after he had a few drinks - which was nearly every day.    We lived on tenterhooks waiting for him to explode if we did something wrong.  Anyway, eventually, my mother filed for a divorce and after that, he did manage to change.  He still drank, but he wasn't violent any more.  My point is that maybe your husband needs a big jolt to get him to change his ways.

I wish you all the best

Budgie

[Donnat]

Im so sorry your husband is angry, i do however believe it is part of the process for some.  I have cancer for the second time in 9 years and i have found it to very a very positive experience for me. Clearly all people are different, although my cancer is more serious this time, im still very confident i will beat this.  I had surgery a few weeks ago and i have to hace both chemo and radiotherapy but im not scared.  Your hsband clearly is scared and that is ok. He needs to learn to direct his fear and anger at his cancer and not his family.  He should maybe speak to a professional on how to cope.  I hope he finds peace and learns to find peace and determination to beat his cancer.