Partner can’t cope with cancer

[battler45]

Hi first timer.  I have recently been diagnosed with cancer after being very well all my life.  After being married for 30 years  I thought that my relationship with my husband would be able to cope with this news but no.   My husband hasn’t able to show me support or comfort I needed as he hasn’t been able to handle his own feelings.  Has anybody experience this?  I look at my relationship differently after feeling disappointed and anger that I had to support him instead of him supporting me.  I wonder if this common problem and something you don’t expect when diagnosed with cancer.  Any advise thanks.

[battler45]

Hi I have neuroendocrine in my small intestine and in my kidney.  I agree my partner is scared but i am the one dealing with doctors, scan, treatment and recovery.  I think if someone looked in a window and saw us they think he has the cancer and not me as  I cannot say one word without him getting very emotional and not able to continue speaking.  I have no one to lean on or talk to.  Luckily I have a strong character and will get thru this alone but it would be nice to have the support.

[Katekat]

Hello @battler45 and welcome to our community!

Sorry to hear you're husband is having difficulty dealing with your cancer. How have you been going though? Is your treatment etc going well?

May I suggest you give 13 11 20 a call and enquire about whether counselling would be available to you at all?

I'm also sending you a quick email with some information about our telephone support group for those caring for someone with cancer, it might be of assistance or interest to your husband ❤️

-Kate

Cancer Council Online Community Manager

[BJ1]

Hi, my partner was exactly the same when I got diagnosed & through the treatment. I got him some support through a psychologist and told him he has to deal with it. I leaned on those who were strong enough to handle me when I was sick or sad. Usually & surprisingly it was my kids! I had friends who would text with me when I couldn't talk, at any hour of the day, ones who got me out of the house or sat with me at chemo and I let him look after himself!! I have surgery in 5 days and he decided to end our relationship this morning. 

[BJ1]

So  my partner of 9yrs decided to end our relationship this morning. I was diagnosed in July and the path has not been easy granted, but i am going into hospital on Monday to have a mastectomy. What the hell am I supposed to do?? I now have no where to live and no income to support myself & 2 kids! 

[battler45]

Hi you poor thing.  How terrible that this happen right on your surgery.  I went thru my recovery without my husband and my son helped me.  After my husband got some help I returned but I still had anger towards him for letting me down when I most needed it.  It is a work in process my marriage.  I found out my husband was so scared that I would die he couldn’t cope and got very anxious maybe this what is happening  with your partner.   We think everybody can cope but that isn’t true.   I hope your partner calms down and returns.  Be strong know that you can thru this with or without him.  Good luck I hope everything turns out well and your operation goes well.