People who have not experienced the closeness of someone dying do not know how to cope. The person experienceing the death of someone does not know how to cope but they then have to 'cope' with friends who cannot cope. Friends get scared that it could happen to them. True friends do not make you cope for them. They will just let you be till you are ready to face the world again and that can take and seem like forever. Please take heart in all the people on this forum, who each have their gentle spirits ready to share with you when you need it-and that goes for everyone who needs it. Dont suffer alone- we are not islands and God created us to share our lives with others-good or bad Margaret ... View more

Hi Jill A bright Saturday morning here in Sydney. I was just thinking about you and thought I would just write you this short note. Just thinking about you Margaret ... View more

Hi Glendalee I suppose that is what your friends want to do-they want to help and fix what is wrong with no real idea of how you feel or what YOU want. People find it hard to listen. They have 2 ears but seem to only use their mouths to say their piece. Most people cant listen, they need to solve others' issues. My advice would be to find someone who will and CAN listen even if that is Lifeline or a counsellor. They are meant to be impartial and you are the one who will do the talking-they WILL listen. WHy do you have to explain it all to your friends-just say Mike is sick and I need your friendship at the moment, just sit with me and lets listen to the wind(or something like that) just so they get the message that you will talk when you want to and not when they want. Does Mike want you to tell others about his illness? just a thought.It is the most difficult road to travel when you cannot help the sick person not have pain, or feel sick or feel like you cannot help in any way. Sometimes you cannot do anything for them just be there, as you need with your friends. Dont be scared to say you need friends to just be with you. Just sitting and crying together can be a very personal close experience. I dont know how you are feeling Glendalee but I know how I felt. These thoughts are from me and what I would liked to have had when my dad was sick but did not. I hope you have good friends who can help in some way Margaret ... View more

Hi jill I am in New South Wales and yes maybe there is a fee somewhere for my dads death certificate but I have not seen it. So maybe it happens here also. It was one item I did not have to think about. I found that after my dads death that for a while, maybe 2 weeks, no more, people did phone or send cards, or ask me at work, how I was, but after that it all stops. Do they think that the sadness stops after 2 weeks and I am ok? well I am not. I cried last night for him, just something came into my head and I cried for a few minutes and really felt the loss of him not being here anymore. It has been 9 weeks now for me, and even though I did not feel especially close to him, I do miss him. Even miss going to visit him which I use to put off till I really had to go. I use to get annoyed cos he would not come to visit me at my place and expected us to go and visit him all the time. He became a bit of a hermit after my mum died and I feel I have become a bit like that too the last few years. I work full time so that had helped I think get through some of the hard times not just with my dad but my marriage ending also. Sorry I am rambling but it it all part of healing-sometimes life just rolls from one sadness to another. The sadness will be there for a while Jill. It is better for me, the days are brighter, but for you, obviously you loved your husband very,very much and it is a new normal you will have to find without him. Oh by the way, your computer problem sent through quite a few emails to me but that is ok. Just cyberspace making sure that your words got through to someone. Life goes on Jill, cry if you want, laugh if you want, dont hold back the emotions, you need to grieve and for as long as you need. Write again if you want. I am a trainee counsellor and want to help if I can. But I will talk to you as someone who is in sadness also not with just counselling ears. Margaret ... View more

Hi Jill Getting a piece of paper to say someone has died and is no longer physically with you is a real hit in the guts. But having to pay for it, is the ultimate low. Here in Australia, they are issued about 2-3 weeks after the person has passed away. It costs nothing money wise but emotionally it is so real. You know they are gone but to have strangers write it down and now there is a record of their death that others dont really care about but you. Someone has that job of issueing death certificates. How sad that is-I reckon anyway. To write they are dead and then to write the cause- that is for me worse to see that. This are personal feelings I had when my dad died 2 months ago. I was there with him but to actually see it in writing just digs it in more. As John Denvers song says :some days are diamonds, some days are stone" Well I think the diamonds days will not happen for a while but they WILL happen. ONe day,sometimes one hour at a time. Margaret ... View more

Hi Glendalee. I think that is the crux of the situation. Everything is now up in the air. Life as you knew it is no more. That word 'cancer' just shakes and scares people so much. Getting through it and over it with as much information as you can get, seems the best way for some, it did for me. I wanted to know everything and hopefully in that everything, I would find something that would ease the pain and uncertainty of the time ahead. Read and talk and learn as much as you can-if that helps. What is happening now is the most important thing to you at this time. Knowing what the prognosis is, unfortunatelly still leaves room for uncertainty.But going through it together with the sick person, is a better way to be rather than on ones own. ... View more

Hi Sg When I saw your post I thought I might have some words of wisdom to give you but I was wrong. Nothing makes death easier whether it was 1 year ago or just 1 month ago. We all grieve in our own way. I would like to suggest, for you and only if you feel it is right for you , to have some grief counselling. I think you need it for you. Sometimes we can still feel so alone even in a room full of people, cos no one understands how or what we are feeling at a certain time. We will always remember our loved ones at different times and in different situations. Different actions and times will make us remember them and then the tears may come but it might just be sad thoughts and eventually, I think, the tears will dry up but the sadness stays longer. Lean on your husband and anyone who you feel comfortable with in your grief. Be gentle on yourself-cry if you want and laugh if you want. Our emotions are gifts from God. Let them happen. Dont feel you have to be happy just cos others around you are. Be the emotion that you feel. Be kind to yourself. ... View more

Hi Sailor, this poem was read by the young man at his partners, the old scottish guys, funeral. I do remember it and I still get teary when I hear it. It truly says speaks volumes about the love one person can have for another. Truly beautiful Choc2rule ... View more

Hi Dizzy Dee. Your words ring so true to me right now. My dad died 2 weeks ago from cancer and the world does keep on turning even though I wish it would stop to let me take a breath. It is like that poem from Sailor or the lovely song by Susan Boyle-why does the sun go on shining,why does the sea rush to the shore.Dont they know it is the end of the world?? That is how my dads death has felt to me at times-like the end of the world as I knew it, and it is exactly that. I didnt realise how important he was to me till he died. He was not a lovey dovey dad, but I know he loved my sisters and me. He taught me independence, honesty,morality. He did not die alone but with all of us around him and I am glad I could be there with him as hard as that was. Yes I want the world to know that I hurt, I want someone to know that I hurt. He is at peace now and with that knowledge, life will go on. ... View more