Thats a wonderful story femme. I had tears in my eyes reading it. Good luck to you all for the future. Wombat4 ... View more

Well done to all The clouds have gone and once more the sun has come out and is shining on you. Wombat4 ... View more

The people at the hospital should be able to give you information and put you in touch with people that will help you at this terrible time. Try to get your husband to help out if he dosnt already, it is very difficult to do everything for everybody on your own, in times like this you will need help. At this point it shouldnt be so much as what your family needs, but what they can all do to help the sufferer and make her more comfortable and ease some of the burden off you. Your church network does sound as if they will be supportive, dont be afraid of asking for help and assistance. God Bless, wombat4 ... View more

I dont think that your mum would ask for anything other than what you are doing for her at the present. So dont feel useless you are doing all that is required at the moment, and your mum is lucky to have you as her carer. If there is a good point to all of this, it is that from the scans it appears there is no spread. Keep calm and hang in there. wombat4 ... View more

This site has been a help to me. To be able to talk to people going through the same, has eased the sense of devastation I felt when my wife died of cancer. I realised that although it is a very private journey, the thought that I was not on my own eased my overpowering sense of grief and burden I carry. It is only those people that go on the journey as a sufferer or a carer understand the feelings and depth of emotion that occur when ourselves or a loved one is diagnosed, and what follows. When we are fit and well and we hear of someone in the media or a distant relative getting or dying of cancer, we feel momentarily sad, the thought of it stays with us for a short time, then we get on with our lives. We have little or no emotional attachment to that person. Cancer happens to other families, not ours When it hits us personally, it stays with us for the rest of our lives. I never in my life thought I would be on the receiving end of the words, "if there is anything I can do". To be able to give advice from experience or write a few reassuring words to people going through the dreadful same, knowing we are not in the darkness on our own, to be able to talk to people who understand, would be difficult without this site. wombat4 ... View more

I cry ever day for my wife John. up until a couple of years ago I hadnt cried for about 55 yrs or more. It was not a male thing to do, men do not cry, why should we, we are tough, strong, the protector and head of the family, and yet now my tears constantly fall. It is alright to cry John, I doubt that there is a single person in the position you are in, as a suffer or carer that has not cried. The control we had over our lives is not there anymore, the future, we know what it will bring, and it terrifies us. I have no answers, and I know it is no help to you, but every one that visits this website know what you are going through and wish they could change your situation as well as their own, and be able to get back to how things were then, in sunshine, not as things are now. In the final days of my wifes illness, I cried in front of our 30yr old boys, they had never seen their dad cry, the tears just fell, the feeling of helplessness and not being able to put it right are overwhelming. Let the tears fall John. It is being human. wombat4 ... View more

My heart goes out to you and your family John K, My wife was a GP all her working life and to see her bright intelligent mind slowly deteriorate due the disease, painkillers and chemo was worse than living in a nightmare. In August of 2010 her CEA dropped to 8 from 1900, I cried with joy. Then a some months later the chemo stopped working and was discontinued, her liver was swollen. To see this happen to a dear loved one there are no words than can adequately describe how we feel. In the last weeks, my lovely wife of 40yrs started a conversation with the words, I know we dont love each other anymore. Is there no heartbreak this disease will not take us to. wombat4 ... View more

When I was 10 yrs old, I am now 64, I stood on a deep pond filled with water, it was in the the UK in winter and the top had turned to ice. The ice gave away and I went straight down, I was struggling, screaming, grabbing the ice for support, of course the ice was breaking off and taking me further out, I thought I was going to die. My friend was standing on the side watching with horror. After a few moments, my viewpoint changed, from being in the water to behind my friends left shoulder, we were both watching this young lad struggling in the water. I felt a calmness and a peace that I had never felt before or since, if someone had said to me, would you rather go back be saved and live the rest of your life, or stay here, I would have chosen to stay were I was, even at that young age, It felt so serene. My friend grabbed a branch and passed it out to me and the instant I saw that young lad in the water touch it, I was back again in the water, cold, wet,terrified, my friend pulled me to the side. When my wife died in hospital just before last Christmas, as I held her hand and told her I loved her, when she stopped breathing I kissed her and then looked over my shoulder, because she would have been looking at herself and me, smiling, feeling no pain, no anxiety, and the cancer that had been the foremost thing in our lives for the previous two years, now didnt matter. My lovely wife would be feeling happy her battle was over. I knew she would be experiencing a peace and calmness never felt before, and would be happy where she was, and I am sure your beloved husband would now be feeling the same. We were also married for 40 yrs. Wombat4 ... View more

Thanks for the info Glenys 0. I have a;so joined another group that meet locally every few weeks. It is specifically for sufferers and carers who have got, or have had a family member with bowel cancer. wombat4 ... View more

Dont blame yourself for feelings of not coping and being strong dazza. As males and the "head " of the family, we are brought up to protect our loved ones, and when things that are totally beyond our control happen, we feel as if we have let people down by not doing enough and fixing it as we have done in the past, as terrible as that feeling of inadequacy is, it does not reflect what is happening, you are doing your best. Like you I gave up the job I had enjoyed doing for 20yrs to look after my terminally ill loved one, and did so for 2 yrs. I did my very best. Your teenage step daughter is obviously feeling the same way, and is scared of the future and looking for you to do the impossible, to find the " magic wand " and make it all better. Thats the thing with this good for nothing disease, once it barges into our lives, its tentacles reach out and touch everyone in the family that care for the sufferer, as a consequence, everybody sufferers and in some instances turn on each other. The Cancer Council will not change the situation you are in, but they may be able to assist you and your family with the emotional aspect of this terrible time in your families life. Contact them and involve all of the family in their support. You are doing your best dazza, thats all that anyone can ask of you. wombat4 ... View more